The following guest post is by Julie Ferman, a seasoned dating coach, media personality, professional speaker, singles events producer and a consultant to the matchmaking and dating industry. Follow her on twitter or visit her website.
As a professional matchmaker and dating coach, I constantly find that my female clients are seeking a man who is strong, confident and successful – masculine. More masculine than she is. Today’s modern day woman feels comfortable, safe, and secure with a man who’s bigger and stronger than she is – in every regard.
Two problems here:
- The modern day woman is so strong and powerful (masculine) herself that there’s very little room for a man to “out-man” her.
- That guy who actually IS bigger and stronger than she is – what kind of a woman is he wanting to come home to? He tells me that he’s looking for “a soft place to land at the end of the day” and we girls aren’t as adept at being that soft place to land.
This is the most serious dating dilemma of our time. And here’s what to do about it.
First off, do some big time soul searching to determine once and for all if you want to wear the pants or the skirt in your future relationship. Many of today’s highly accomplished, powerful women are best paired with a man who’s got softer energy. A man who might not out-earn her, whose power and strength lie in quieter, less outwardly noticeable domains.
Now, if you really, sincerely do want to be with a strong, successful, man’s man, you will want and need to practice being the type of woman HE sincerely wants and needs in HIS life, as he will absolutely need for his partner to be living in her feminine most of the time. The most generous quality we can give to the men in our lives is our ability to receive. A classic provider / protector man needs to give, the act of giving is only satisfying to him when his gift is received.
My 19 year old son just brought me a smoothie – he made it himself with all kinds of TLC. He didn’t know that I’d already had breakfast. Rather than saying “Oh, too late, I already ate” I gave him the bright-eyed “Oh, my goodness – you just rocked my world” expression and had a big, glorious gulp of his love inspired creation…which completely and thoroughly rocked his world. I may not finish the smoothie, but I’m glad I chose to receive it with love and enthusiasm, as he can only experience the joy of providing if there’s someone on the other side delighted to receive his gift.
It’s really just about practicing the art of receiving, every day, many times throughout the day. The guy rounding up shopping carts in the parking lot at the supermarket last night – he asked me if I’d like some help loading my grocery bags into my trunk. He wanted to help. I said yes to his offer, and in the process of that 90-second exchange, I let him be the giver and I got to be the receiver. It was sweet and it made us both feel good.
My husband offered a critique and some advice on a new business concept I’m developing. My knee-jerk reaction was to dismiss his suggestion and to reject his critique. I caught myself, thankfully, before blurting out something dismissive, which would serve to shut him down, discourage his efforts to contribute to me and otherwise shrivel up his manhood.
I’m practicing listening (essential in the art of receiving) – as the big, strong, powerful men in our lives really and truly want and need to be heard. And well… we can’t hear when we’re talking, now can we?