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How To Know If You’re a “Successful Single” (And If You’re Not, How To Become One)

The following post is written by my friend Jay Hurt. He is a Relationship Coach, columnist and author of the book, The 9 Tenets of a Successful Relationship, for Singles. Jay’s focus is working with people who want to design better relationships and get more out of life!  You can find him on Twitter, Facebook and his website.

Many single people have a desire to be in a relationship.  What I find that many people lose in the process of wanting a committed relationship is that they do not consider developing the traits in themselves that they want in a mate.  Being able to talk a good game and carry on a conversation at dinner is nice, but when it’s time to balance a checkbook or make healthy lifestyle choices, it’s foreign to many of us.

It’s important to realize we seek out like-minded people.  We all want to get better and grow as we mature, but it’s inherent to seek out mates with similar interest as you, similar mindsets and character traits.  Strong personalities want to be around other strong personalities.  Entrepreneurs like being around other entrepreneurs.  Our differences enhance the lives of one another, but we look for people with many of the core values and belief systems that we have to build a foundation together.

The previous paragraph was included because I want to convey that if you are looking for someone as great as you are, with your beliefs and values, you want to be ready for that opportunity.  You want to be as good at being the best “self” you can possibly be.  Here are some of the things to remember while developing your greatness:

Personal Finances

I have read several studies on divorce statistics and personal finance is consistently one of the top five reasons for divorce in America.  There’s no way around it, financial situations can and will be stressful.  One way to minimize stress is to be prepared as much as possible on your end when you come into the relationship.  Learn how to budget.  Actually putting your expenses and income on paper forces you to think about where all of your money is going.  It’s a great habit to start while single, which will help to build wealth (together) down the road.  Make it a point to check your credit score and find ways to continually maximize your score.  Having a great score now will help you to prepare to accomplish things together like buy a house together later.  Unfortunately, financial challenges make other problems in relationships seem bigger.  Do your part while you are single to manage your finances well and it will help you and your mate control your finances when you build your relationship.

Health and Wellness

I can personally attest to dealing with the evil known as “the candy cart” they used to push around at work for us when I started my sales career.  Those little sugar rushes were fine for the moment but they became a challenge to fight later.  Eat well now so you aren’t trying to figure out how to play catch up later.  Wanting to fit into a Sports Coat one size smaller or a specific bikini for the summer is fine, but most importantly we want to be considerate of our health for our family, because our mates will be depending on us.  We want to be as healthy as possible to support each other in our relationships.  Exercise, eating right, and having a healthy attitude toward life (try practicing meditation and yoga) are great ways to develop healthy habits which carry over into great relationships.

Career Aspirations

I knew a woman who told me about this guy who was so fine to her and he talked a great game, but he was unemployed and lived at home with his mama?!  She couldn’t date him because he wouldn’t knock the dust off of his behind to make moves!  It’s a tough economy and layoffs are common, but that’s not what I’m referring to here.  I’m talking about someone allergic to work.  Single people have time to build some level of stability in what we are trying to do.  Even a start-up company has a game plan with stages and rounds of funding—showing levels of stability.  If you’re in a start-up or 35 years into your career, at least your mate realizes you have some level of stability and you plan to be a part of the foundation of this relationship.  Being allergic to work is not an option.  Whether a domestic engineer or software engineer, being productive is not only attractive, but it’s also a prerequisite to a great relationship.

One definition of success is “the accomplishment of one’s goals.”  If you are prepared when that special someone comes along and you have developed good financial habits, you are living a healthy lifestyle and you are ambitious, this will give you a foundation for success as your new relationship develops!

Paul C. Brunson

Mentor, Entrepreneur, & Television Host. My goal is to help you live your best life. I’m the world’s most influential matchmaker, founded and exited three businesses, host two television shows, spent nearly a decade working directly for a billionaire, and share my experiences by mentoring through Knowledge Share