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3 Traits Your Partner Must Have

The following post is written by Jay Hurt. Jay is a Relationship Coach, columnist and author of the book, The 9 Tenets of a Successful Relationship, for Singles. You can find him on Twitter, Facebook and his website.

In 2013, as a society, we have more choices than we have ever had before.  We can choose from a plethora of clothing lines, Auto manufacturers, careers and places to live more than ever before.  Our abundance of choice is almost overwhelming.  Let’s be just as selective with our abundance of choices when choosing a mate.  The person you choose in the beginning of the relationship is who you are deciding to give your time, attention and ultimately love.  These are the things most of us hold dear to ourselves, but we often give the least amount of thought when deciding who to enter into a relationship with. Consider these characteristics:


Person of Honor 

Honor should be important in any relationship. defines honor this way:  Honor n. high respect as for worth, merit or rank: to be held in honor.  We must honor one another in our relationships.  Men have to recognize their ladies as the women who provide consistency and support to the relationship.  We must come to the realization there is no alternative for a strong, supportive, loving woman—and when you get one, recognize her for it!  Give her that recognition in private and in public.  We hold someone in honor by doing it in front of others.  Women appreciate the fact you remember and acknowledge their sacrifices and contribution to the relationship.  Ladies, we need you to honor your men as well.  Being a man in a relationship requires discipline, courage, patience and sacrifice for your woman.  These are characteristics you want in a man, but they also need to be characteristics you recognize in a man.  When your girls are having the “man-bashing” conversation, but your man is holding it down, give him the props!  That’s the kind of honor he deserves.



The feeling of security is one of the most important characteristics of a man to a woman.  Ladies need to be aware how important this is when they are choosing their mates.  Security comes in many forms.  Security is knowing the bills will be paid.  Security for women means knowing their family has shelter and basic necessities at all times.  These are the basics of security, but they are important because if those things aren’t provided for at the outset, you can’t expect them to be provided well into the relationship.  Granted, we change and grow, but look for patterns.  If this person doesn’t make you feel safe and secure and that’s important to you, you need to consider what a deal-breaker is and what isn’t.

Security can also come in the form of a retreat to the comfort of your mate when you are in a moment of instability, whether that be at work, at home, physically or mentally.  The pledge of your mate’s commitment also provides security.  We have to be the sanctuary for our mate when times are tough.  When you are considering becoming more serious in a relationship, always consider if this is the person who will have my back when no one else will.  Giving yourself an honest answer to this question will make the choice easier.



Like all characteristics in life, integrity is measured by your values.  This is important to point out, because you can only make determinations on integrity by what you perceive to be your moral standard.  Whomever you choose to be with, you must hold them at least to whatever your level of integrity is.  You can’t date someone with a level of integrity which doesn’t rise to the level you want it to, expecting it to change later.  Ladies, if you want a man who doesn’t cheat, don’t date a man who consistently doesn’t do what he says he’s going to do.  I had a client who went into a relationship with a man knowing he was dating someone else, expecting him to change.  Didn’t happen—never had a chance of happening.  Guys, the same applies for women.  If you find a lady of principle that meets your standard, that’s a check mark in the win column.  Good looks, nice features and a banging wardrobe do not take the place of a woman of principle.

Finally, there is one factor which includes all of the preceding traits and many more.  Does your mate enhance your life?  Does the relationship make you better?  For example, I’m a free, adventurous, spirit–my lady is a planner.  We enhance each other’s lives with our differences, which is really what relationships are all about.


Paul C. Brunson

Mentor, Entrepreneur, & Television Host. My goal is to help you live your best life. I’m the world’s most influential matchmaker, founded and exited three businesses, host two television shows, spent nearly a decade working directly for a billionaire, and share my experiences by mentoring through Knowledge Share