How I Knew My Husband was the One: How to Know If He’s Marriage Material (Finding Your Boaz)

The following is a post by my sister-in-law Nikisha Brunson. Be sure to check out her amazing blog as well as follow her on instagram.

I receive many emails and I am frequently asked these three questions:  How did you know Carl was the one? How do you maintain a healthy relationship? How do you know if he is marriage material? So I wanted to share some of my own personal experience along with a great Biblical based article I found about how to find your Boaz. It’s quite long so bare with me please :) .

141-e1360859060304

I grew up with dysfunctional relationships all around me and never saw what a healthy one looked like. So my compass for being in a healthy relationship was way off and I was actually not attracted to anything that was healthy. My major relationships were always unhealthy and dysfunctional and I was tired of going around the same mountain. I came to the end of myself and realized this tough woman I thought I was because I fought back whenever I was disrespected by my man, was just delusional and needed healing. I needed a new perspective on how I looked at relationships. I knew I couldn’t look to myself, T.V., movies, books, or a person’s opinions. Everything was too all over the place, everyone had a different perception and different standards at which they would put up with something or not put up with something. I heard everything from: “all men cheat, no one’s perfect, I see his potential, no one can define love because everyone’s definition is different, people change, he’s my soulmate”, I heard it all and I’ve said many of them myself. I asked myself would I want my son to be like any of the men who were my boyfriends? And the answer smacked me in the face like a ton of bricks! No…! I don’t ever want Jaden smoking weed, drinking, hanging in the clubs/lounges, talking to a bunch of women. I want Jaden to be disciplined in areas of life like attending church, reading the Bible, going to school, career, money, health, etc. I want him to know how to communicate in a healthy and loving way, I want him to get help when he needs it. I don’t want him to think it’s ever ok to put his hands on a woman, or curse at her, or put her down, even if she attacks him first. I don’t want him to think cheating is ok, and that looking at or treating women like sexual objects instead of living souls is ok. I want him to take responsibility for all his actions and not to make excuses. I want Jaden to know that he has to answer to God for whatever choices he makes. I knew the person God had for me wouldn’t just be potential. He would already be the man I would want Jaden to be like. Potential is the worst thing to hold onto with a person because it’s a picture we paint ourselves. It has our skewed view because we paint the person as another version of what we want them to be. But the truth is the person in front of you is who they really are and that future potential doesn’t exist. We have to be willing to accept them for who they are today. So how is anyone suppose to know what true love is? What is it suppose to look like? What makes a guy marriage material? Why would God leave us with no definition, no model to look at? That’s when I surrendered, I admitted that my feelings had failed me, that I had no idea what real healthy love looked like. I prayed, and I cried, and I prayed more. And God told me, to stop looking to other people and to myself for answers and pointed me to this verse in His Word… The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?(Jeremiah 17:9 (KJV)

I began to search the Bible for examples of love and marriage and finally found out the truth, and unfortunately it looked nothing like anything I’ve ever seen or heard before. I finally put all my trust in God and it was a painful process. But I healed faster than what I thought. I look back and I realize if I hadn’t taken that leap of faith and didn’t do those necessary things that were painful for a moment, I would have been in pain for the rest of my life because I was holding onto a person God didn’t design for me. I would have continued to push Carl away, because he was my first and only encounter of healthy love, God’s love.  Allow God’s standards to become your standards. Allow His examples of love and marriage to become your compass and your truth, because this world will tell you everything but the TRUTH! Your feelings and thoughts will also lie to you. But if you can align your thoughts and feelings with God’s Word, then you will know that you’re getting what God has for you. The story of Boaz and Ruth in the Bible is one example of what God has left behind for us as a model of whether or not a man is marriage material.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding: in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).

In order to receive who God has for you, you have to know what to look for. Many women complain that there are no “good men” out here for them, when in reality, many women pass up the good men for the jerks because they cannot tell the difference.

Your Boaz should NOT be just about good looks, a nice smile, smooth words, nice job and car, muscular build, fashionable clothes, big connections, etc. If he does have all that, great! But that is NOT what you should be looking for.

If you want to recognize the guy that God is sending you, you must think like God. How does God choose? Let’s look at what God said to Samuel when He was selecting a king for Israel.

“But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (I Samuel 16:7)

Via Startmarriageright.com by Lindsay Blackburn

A Modern-Day Boaz

My favorite story in the Bible is that of Ruth. Despite the urging of her mother-in-law, Naomi, to stay in Moab, return to her parents’ household, and re-marry, Ruth displays such a beautiful portrayal of loyalty when she clings to Naomi (Ruth 1:14) and says, “For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God” (1:16). This act of faith to journey to Judah, a commitment to her mother-in-law, her hard work in the fields, and her own lovely character, brought about a harvest of blessing upon Ruth, as God drew a man named Boaz to notice her, pursue her, and marry her.

So, who was this man named Boaz, and why do I encourage young women today to wait for a modern-day Boaz? Here are some key characteristics of a man who is  marriage-material:

He is Worthy

Boaz was described as a worthy man (2:1) who believed in the Lord (2:4).

A modern-day Boaz will:

  • Have a good reputation because he’s proven himself to be a man of character and worth by his actions.

  • He will have a solid relationship with the Lord, which is of great importance for a woman of worth (3:11). Thus, you will be equally yoked in your relationship, with each person growing in their faith, serving the Lord, and evidencing the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Wait and observe how deep his Christianity goes. Does it show only when you are around, or is it full on all the time? Does he pray with you? Read the Bible with you? Attend church with you? Does he read the Bible, obey scripture, pray, and attend church on his own time? Is he respecting you according to God’s standards?

He is a Protector

Boaz encouraged Ruth to glean in his own field, so that she would be safe among the other women. He also charged the young men of his field not to touch her (2:9).

A modern-day Boaz will:

  • Protect your purity, as well as his own, by respecting boundaries. He knows that sex is a sacred act to be enjoyed only in marriage, and he appreciates your high standards.

  • Guard your heart, by making known his intentions to pursue you when the time is right. You will know where he stands.  He won’t lead you on by just “hanging out” with you for an extended period of time, enjoying the benefits of your company without accepting appropriate responsibility toward you.

He is a Provider

Boaz met Ruth’s needs. He gave her plenty of water to drink (2:9), provided meals for her (2:14), and gave her an abundance of barley to share with Naomi (3:15).

A modern-day Boaz will:

  • Work hard.  He is a mature, responsible man with right priorities. Being a provider is not about making lots of money. It’s about a man meeting the basic needs of his wife and children. He’s disciplined in work and with money.

  • Properly understand a man’s Biblical role as the leader of the household. Under his leadership and banner of protection, you will feel safe and secure as his wife. This is because he has your best interests in mind, serves you sacrificially, and loves you as Christ loved the church. (If he doesn’t read the Bible and attend church regularly he won’t know how to be this man)

He is Observant

Ruth caught Boaz’s eye (2:5), but he also noticed her inward character, good deeds (2:11-12), and kindness (3:10).

A modern-day Boaz will:

  • Find you attractive!  It’s important to have the “spark.”

  • Cherish your inner beauty.  It is good for a man to marry a woman with the kind of loveliness that cannot fade.  He appreciates these qualities in you, and will encourage you verbally when he notices you acting with integrity, kindness, and love.

  • Study you.  He will find out what makes you tick, and seek to understand you more fully over time.  He will notice what you enjoy, and do little things from time-to-time just to make you smile.

He is Compassionate

Boaz had care and concern for others, loving his neighbor as himself. As the owner of a field, Boaz showed generosity and compassion on the less fortunate by following Levitical law (Leviticus 19:9-10).

A modern-day Boaz will:

  • Look for opportunities to bless others.

  • Serve wholeheartedly

  • Give generously, as God prompts him to do so.

  • Be kind and loving to the “littlest and least,” not looking down on others in self-righteousness.

  • Utilize his spiritual gifts to edify the body of believers and honor God.

He is a Man of Integrity

Boaz knew that there was a closer relative who had “first dibs” in redeeming Ruth (3:12-13). He took the proper steps (4:1-6) to win her hand in marriage. In fact, he couldn’t even rest until the matter was properly settled (3:18). Boaz also had witnesses (4:9) to confirm that he acted with integrity.

A modern-day Boaz:

  • Does not manipulate, cheat, or lie.  He has nothing to hide.

  • He will not abuse you: call you names or put his hands on you ever!

  • Does what is right, even when it’s hard.

  • Respects the authorities in his life.

  • Continually seeks the wise counsel of a more seasoned Christian man, such as a pastor or mentor, who will come alongside him, ask tough questions, hold him accountable, and encourage him in Christ-likeness.

These are some basic things to look for. God will not send you dysfunction or confusion. He will not send abuse or neglect. He will not send you selfishness or immorality. God looks at the heart and He will not send you a Boaz whose heart is not ready to be with you.

 

Like this post? Join my community to receive updates on the best content of this blog.

About Paul C. Brunson
Mentor, Entrepreneur, & Television Host. My goal is to help you live your best life. I’m the world’s most influential matchmaker, founded and exited three businesses, host two television shows, spent nearly a decade working directly for a billionaire, and share my experiences by mentoring through Knowledge Share

165
Leave a Reply

avatar
158 Comment threads
7 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
28 Comment authors
pamelajones01Grizelda323louise216000CoweeChrystalTonieAMann Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
newest oldest most voted
Notify of
Mel
Guest
Mel

Yes! Amen!! This is what i’m waiting for. God to send me or lead me to my modern day Boaz. I had the exact opposite. And I have learned my lesson Glory to God. God is so good.

Ade
Guest
Ade

I am really grateful for this article even though I am not a Christian, the way the points you raised flow make a lot of sense and I love the spiritual guide you used to emphasise your points. Many thanks!

Ron
Guest
Ron

I disagree. I’m an atheist, and saying my disbelief in God is something that doesn’t make me marriage material, is not true.

Nicole Spencer
Guest
Nicole Spencer

You wouldn’t be marriage material for someone who seeks a mate who is a believer.
I would say these rules don’t pertain to you. It’s a family rule type thing. If you are not in the family you don’t have to govern yourself by them. If that makes sense.

Ron
Guest
Ron

Makes sense! I do feel many of his rules though are fitting of human beings in general. I agree that typically a believer wants to be with a believer. However, I think to invoke God in this message isn’t really necessary.

Marie
Guest
Marie

The whole article is about an example of a man that was in the Bible. The whole message is about God and what he wants for all people, God wanted us to know of his LOVE.

Nicole Spencer
Guest
Nicole Spencer

I understand what you are saying. But because this was a repost of sorts from his sister-in-law, actually even if it wasn’t, we don’t really get to tell people what to say. Most times we can only dig through and take what we deem as good and leave the rest.

Tonette Bell
Guest
Tonette Bell

Ron GOD still loves us no matter what, I myself could not phantom living in this cruel world without a savior. JESUS still loves us no matter what, and their is not a thing we can do without him but fail…I use to be a athiest so i thought…until i realize the seperation i had towards GOD was a lonely place too be..i will be praying for you my brother…GOD BLESS

Fee Watkins
Guest
Fee Watkins

Great article! I was blessed by this. Thank you!

FutrMrsJhndo
Guest
FutrMrsJhndo

Omg!!! I found my BOAZZZZZ!!!!

Michelle
Guest
Michelle

Soo good…i know a woman who said she found her Boaz and he’s totally NOT all of this though he is saved. They’re shacking up, sleeping together. Smoking, drinking…it’s crazy. Smh, smh…

Christie
Guest
Christie

awesome! lovely! just perfectly on time :). Beautiful~

Angela
Guest
Angela

The length and formatting of this article discouraged me from reading it….

vjsim4
Guest
vjsim4

Love this, thank you.

GuestHu
Guest
GuestHu

Another important fact to point out…Boaz sought Ruth, she didn’t seek him.

~Proverbs 18:22.

Nicole Spencer
Guest
Nicole Spencer

Not totally true…didn’t Naomi instruct Ruth to go in to Boaz? True he protected & inquired of her. However, he woke up with her in his bed. IJS

Warmfire
Guest
Warmfire

Important to note: Boaz inquired of her, let his intentions known before Ruth made any move. Plus, her primary moves regarding him were responses to his initiating a relationship. Boaz made the first move.

Ruth
Guest
Ruth

Thank you, I never thought to compare a guy I’ve dated to God’s scriptures. You pointed out a lot of thing’s that are very important and to look for in a man. Your story is me. Only I still haven’t met by Boaz.but I can tell you I will not make a move until God let me know it’s time. Because my way was the wrong way. Thank you so much.

Janille
Guest
Janille

Oh so perfect! As a christian, I truly believe in following these guidelines. Just like you, it took me becoming closer with Our Father to understand that he has a blueprint for everything we do. I appreciate someone saying, ” I’ve made mistakes but now I’m getting it together and I want to help you, too.” This article is a great read and I will continue to share it with my family and friends. Much success to you in all of your endeavors!

Juliann Butler-Green
Guest
Juliann Butler-Green

WoW!!! What an amazing article! Thank you for touching my soul. Are you sure you aren’t a preacher?

Katherine Patterson
Guest
Katherine Patterson

Thank you for a powerful article! What a blessing. I have two beautiful, smart sisters that really need to read this.

Valizblessed
Guest
Valizblessed

Great article! Thanks for the scriptural insight.

dagnatz
Guest
dagnatz

oh wow…kool you’re connected to Nikisha from UrbanBushBabes…small world…cool stuff…..lovely article, i’m Christian, single young lady and I’ve been inspired by this!

Marlene
Guest
Marlene

Great article! Ill keep reminding myself I’m on Gods time and to be patient!
Thnx!!

Tanesha
Guest
Tanesha

Thank you so much for sharing this. Beautifully written. I love when the Spirit speaks and confirms. I wrote a similar piece on my blog and I am just in awe how the Lord spoke similar things to me and to your sister-in law in this piece. If you feel led, check it out at the following link at :
http://andyetstillirise.wordpress.com/2013/07/23/is-he-the-one/
God is amazing. May he continue to use you both for his glory. God bless 🙂

Babyu21
Guest
Babyu21

Thank you for this it was very timely.

Tonette Bell
Guest
Tonette Bell

My hopes for a man like this has been rocked in the cradle of despair, im so tired …i have decided too just make JESUS my all…he is my man..

OBEHI JANICE
Guest
OBEHI JANICE

Thank you, Nikisha, for being honest about your faith and your walk. Your transparency is inspiring but I’m most taken by your love for the word. God Bless you and your husband and son! (And I’m an UrbanBushBabe!)

Regina Walker
Guest
Regina Walker

Thank you for sharing these different articles, being single is difficult and we women need the proper Christian Values in dating and seeking a Boaz in our life. I’m glad to have stumbled onto something you had written before.
Praise God for your insight and willingness to share your knowledge with the world of women. We can be Real Divas Living For God…..

Nadege Jean
Guest
Nadege Jean

Looking forward to that day 😉

Dominique Springs
Guest
Dominique Springs

This was a great article.

Jennifer Bruhin
Guest
Jennifer Bruhin

love it

Tristan B. Hampton
Guest
Tristan B. Hampton

Was she ever featured in Essence?

Soffi Love
Guest
Soffi Love

Great article. But I have to say I am married over 20 years Marriage Material and Marriage itself are two different animals. Everything changes after marriage.

Namie Bimba
Guest
Namie Bimba

OMG!!! This is so good!! Thanks to your sister-in-law for writing this!!! Bless her!!!

Kay Gray
Guest
Kay Gray

I hear you Soffi.

Soffi Love
Guest
Soffi Love

In a perfect world this article is amazing!!!

Tia Maria
Guest
Tia Maria

How 2 meet a nice man! Is there such a thing :(!

Kay Gray
Guest
Kay Gray

I think this is what throws off many people, the ideal concept and the reality of daily life.

Anika Jackson
Guest
Anika Jackson

this was EVERYTHING!!!! Its so awesome to know that others are “living the life” Kudos to her #WorthTheWait

Tristan B. Hampton
Guest
Tristan B. Hampton

That was a great piece of writing for me because I, like her, had never seen a genuinely healthy relationship before. It’s hard to know what love is suppose to look like when you are brought up in dysfunction but the combination of the grace of God and the willingness to do the self work needed, I do now know what real love looks like. I just wish the women in my inner circle could receive this as well. Thanks for the share Paul.

Paul Carrick Brunson
Guest
Paul Carrick Brunson

Tristan B. Hampton Yes 🙂

Keisha Carmona
Guest
Keisha Carmona

This one was…well it hit home for me anyway…I can admit that wholeheartedly! Great word!

Lewis Daniels
Guest
Lewis Daniels

Prefect material
Tia maria yes

Melissa Fairchild
Guest
Melissa Fairchild

Oh…You just saved me some heartache. Thank you. God bless you, Paul.

Namie Bimba
Guest
Namie Bimba

I think based on her story and her background of dysfunctional relationships and single parent home, that’s more than enough to tell you that this can/does work in an imperfect world we live in. 🙂

Namie Bimba
Guest
Namie Bimba

Yes, there is Tia Maria! Don’t give up hope and definitely sign up for Paul’s 1 Day Dating workshop so he and Gee can show you how to meet a nice man! All the details are here: http://paulcbrunson.wpengine.com/1-day-dating-breakthrough/ Wishing you all the best beautiful lady! 🙂

Carol Perry
Guest
Carol Perry

Awesome article….

Burgundy-Benders Carrol
Guest
Burgundy-Benders Carrol

Tsdk, tsk

Marshe Whaley
Guest
Marshe Whaley

Good stuff.:)

Chelsa S. Moore
Guest
Chelsa S. Moore

Wow!!! Great read. #DatewithPurpose #DothingsGodsway

Susan Hunt
Guest
Susan Hunt

I love this article. Thank you for sharing.

Cândida Aleshandra
Guest
Cândida Aleshandra

Seby Sikhakhane

Tammy Settles
Guest
Tammy Settles

Speaks volumes …..I’m getting into position #selfimprovement

Crystal Daniel
Guest
Crystal Daniel

Loved this…great article!

Flavia A Chihandae
Guest
Flavia A Chihandae

wow 🙂 ….

Tia Maria
Guest
Tia Maria

Just had bad experience with my youngest daughters dad and he seems 2 think I shud be ok he lives a double life and I shud be ok will maybe his culture I don’t no but not 4 me 🙁 but thanks 4 your kind words Namie Bimba xx