Category Archives: Dating

5 Questions Alpha Women Should Ask If They Are Ready For A Relationship

5 Questions Alpha Women Should Ask If They Are Ready For A Relationship

Alpha women,
characterized by some as brilliant, confident, and ambitious, and others as potentially problematic to biologically-based gender roles (I hope you see the irony in that statement), have been the subject of conversations about dating, relationships, and marriage on and off for many years.  While there are different schools of thought on the dating challenges Alpha women face, the pursuit and development of any relationship worth having doesn’t start with trends and statistically based generalizations about a “type” of woman, or man for that matter.  The pursuit of meaningful and lasting relationships start with an individual woman’s relationship and understanding of herself.  Here are 5 questions every (Alpha) woman should ask herself if she is serious about finding a valuable and meaningful relationship.

  1. Do you love yourself?

And do you actively practice self-love? The knee-jerk response to these questions might be “Yes,” wrapped in an “obviously” tone.  But when you sit and think about it, figure out if your self-love truly comes from within, or if it is dressed up in the impressions and expectations other people have for you. As someone who once lived my life (note – I am still a work in progress) based on the approval and satisfaction of others, I have learned that loving yourself is a very active and conscious process that is nuanced, personal, and necessary.

  1.  Are you self-aware?

Being self-aware means objectively observing of your own thoughts and emotions. It can help you confirm or adjust actions you take in response to situations.  Increased self-awareness gives you more control over how you move in this world. Instead of acting solely based on feelings, and having to backtrack or undo something you did as based on those feelings, self-awareness can help you put space and time between your feelings and reactions. Being self-aware keeps you present and helps you live from a place of strength and cognitive fortitude.

  1.  Are you comfortable being vulnerable?

As someone who spent most of my adult life on the emotional defensive, I equated being vulnerable with being weak, “telling all my business,” or expressing my true emotions (e.g., saying I’m angry when I’m actually hurt) at the cost of losing some control. Dr. Brene Brown notes that vulnerability exposes us to uncertainty, emotional risk, and emotional exposure in an effort to develop trust, intimacy, and connection with others. These things could be pretty scary for women, and people in general, who are used to being buttoned up and in the driver’s seat. If you are not willing to be vulnerable – to work for true connection – you would be selling yourself and your potential relationship, short.

  1.  What do you value?

Your values are those guiding principles that influence the decisions and choices you make across different areas of your life. Do the choices you make in dating and relationships reflect what you say you value? Do you know what values you want in your future boo? Do the men you spend time with embody those values?

  1.  Have you tried something different?

Society has a funny way of telling individuals what we should want, who we should or shouldn’t date, how we should look, when we should get married, and the beat goes on. Have you ever stopped to ask yourself what you actually want? Have you stepped outside of what the world says you “need” or should desire? Are you willing to be flexible on some things? Do you confuse preferences with non-negotiables?  Are your expectations unrealistic, unreasonable, or maybe unfair? For example, I am 5’8”. There was a time when I “needed” a tall man. Because tall men are known to treat women better. Said no one ever. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with having preferences. The challenges start, though, when preferences contribute to you overlooking a good man who has lots of what you say you value because he isn’t 6’3” chocolate, bald with a beard, and built like an NFL wide-receiver.

Whether you consider yourself an Alpha woman or not (I’m still undecided on the label), asking yourself these five questions are a good place to start when you are thinking about pursuing a relationship.

For more strategies Alpha women can use when dating, go here.

Like this post? Join my community to receive updates on the best content of this blog.

The Sex And Relationships Talk You’ve Wanted Is HERE! (And We’ve Got Prizes)

The Sex And Relationships Talk You’ve Wanted Is HERE! (And We’ve Got Prizes)

#MentorMonday, a popular mentoring platform for entrepreneurs and visionaries hosted by Paul C. Brunson, has been known to “go there.”  Paul has been known to surprise guests with dating games, conversations about health and wealth turning into how to use pineapples during lovemaking, and many more super seductive conversations having portions of #MentorMonday lovingly dubbed #MentorMondayAfterDark conversations.

And here we go again!


For two hours on November 10th starting at 8pm ET, Paul C. Brunson will have a few special guests on the Sex and Relationships episode of #MentorMonday sponsored by and #ThxBirthControl. Celebrities, doctors, and authors on relationships will be brought onto the hot seat to talk about their personal lives in a way most interviews will never be held. Last year’s episode had one panelist admit to masturbating before his date could return from the shower; the pair never spoke again.

You are invited to join us for this high-level adult discussion on one of the most taboo but necessary functions of the human experience. Sex.  Don’t worry. This isn’t the baby making episode! and #ThxBirthControl are sponsoring the event and they are more than prepared to offer great tips on how we can all plan for our baby having days.

PLUS, we are giving away an awesome gift pack!  You’ll receive an Astroglide gift basket and the book 20 Things You May Not Know About The Penis by Dr. Draion Burch, It’s Complicated (But It Doesn’t Have To Be) by Paul C. Brunson, and $100 gift card to get you ready for that special night.

Second and third place prizes will be Dr. Drai’s book 20 Things You May Not Know About The Penis.

Sign up to enter the drawing below and then RSVP to the Sex and Relationships #MentorMonday episode you don’t want to miss here.


Like this post? Join my community to receive updates on the best content of this blog.

10 Most Outrageous Myths About Men We All Believe

Before clients of my agency begin the matchmaking phase, we first put them through several weeks of intensive coaching. Our focus during this pre-match time is to share effective dating strategies, review recent research, and most importantly, dispel myths! Over the years, I’ve heard just about everything, and I mean everythang! The following are the top 10 myths our female clients believed to be truths.


Like this post? Join my community to receive updates on the best content of this blog.

5 Important Tips If You’re Considering Christian Online Dating

In my 22+ career as matchmaking professional and online dating expert, I’ve had the privilege of interviewing over 60,000 singles immersed in conversation about their dating and love lives. I take the time to learn about each person and focus specifically on what’s been working or NOT working in the area of their personal relationships which brought them to seeking “professional” help. I explore all of the avenues they have tried to meet people and get into the details of their past failed relationships to gain deeper insight about their experiences in order to create an effective solution.

My best guess is that 90% of those I speak with have “tried” online dating (even if it was just to create a profile to browse around) while the remaining 10% are either too afraid or simply not interested in ever trying online dating. Their fear is based on third party stories and beliefs created from the warnings of caring friends and family members who think online dating is somehow bad. I have found that Christian singles seem to be very reserved about trying online dating and quite often share with me,”God is going to deliver my partner. God will give me a sure sign of help.”

As I listen to their fears, I instantly think to myself, perhaps this is WHY we are having the conversation in the first place; at this time and in this moment.

I firmly believe in my ability as a professional coach and matchmaking expert, my work with singles will have a positive and lasting impact to their love life. Anything is possible for you and your life if you’re willing to put in the effort and do the WORK necessary to achieve happiness, love and the results you desire.

I’m here to shed some light about online dating for Christian singles and to share some important tips for Christians who are considering online dating as part of their dating strategy…

Christian Online Dating

Like this post? Join my community to receive updates on the best content of this blog.

9 Biggest Problems With Dating Today & How To Solve Them

I’ve been a professional matchmaker for six years and in just that time I’ve seen a significant shift in how people date around the world. In most countries, every category related to dating, from public opinion about it, to average length of time couples see each other, to satisfaction, have plummeted. We’re living in a time I label as “alarming” and fully expect if there is not an immediate shift in how we date, our communities will fall apart. After all, marriage is the cornerstone of society and dating is the cornerstone of marriage.  

Below, are the 9 biggest problems with dating today and my thoughts on how to solve them.


Like this post? Join my community to receive updates on the best content of this blog.

8 Quick Ways To Detect A Non-Committal Man or Woman

When genuinely searching for a committed partner (leading to marriage), there is nothing worse than wasting your time with someone who is simply looking for quick sex, casual dating, or just a long-term hang out buddy. By my estimate, 80% or more of daters are not looking for anything serious and although I’m an advocate for “date practicing”, I’m not a proponent of giving your time or resources to a dead end partner.

If you find yourself debating whether the person you’re “dating” is non-committal, here are 8 quick ways to determine if he/she has long-term intentions:


Like this post? Join my community to receive updates on the best content of this blog.

What Do Men (Really) Like?!: 6 Things Men of Substance Value Most

“Troy, I just don’t get it! What do men like?”

I could sense the frustration in her voice as she asked the question. She was just like a woman you may know – one who is frustrated with dating. She is exhausted from the games, tired of the lack of consistency, and worn out from men wanting to give her everything sexual but without commitment!

To her, the men people said were supposed to be so “simple” have turned into physics, accounting, and statistics all at the same time.


Well, the truth is that I can’t tell you what men like because men like different things, but I can tell you (based on my thousands of conversations) 6 things men of substance VALUE most!

Like this post? Join my community to receive updates on the best content of this blog.

Know Your Roles: Laymates, Playmates & Soulmates

Know Your Roles: Laymates, Playmates & Soulmates

Throughout the many conversations I’ve had with friends and family surrounding relationships, one trend was quite evident – it’s difficult to recognize the role someone’s playing in your life until far too late.

We usually meet someone, date for a brief or extended period of time (which could include marriage), and then after the relationship has run its proverbial course, we reflect on it to discover the warnings we discarded and the fatal flaws we dismissed.

Based on a snapshot of the dating world, here are the 3 roles I’ve seen most prevalently: Laymates, Playmates, and Soulmates.

Now, let’s discuss the differences between the three…

Like this post? Join my community to receive updates on the best content of this blog.

Do You Suffer From “Type Hype?”: How To (Really) Find Your Match

Do You Suffer From “Type Hype?”: How To (Really) Find Your Match

Remember the popular, satirical YouTube video called “(Authentic) Black Marriage Negotiations”? Well, if not, to refresh your memory: the wildly popular video featured a computer generated image of a Black woman listing all the things she wanted in a man.

The clip was loathed by the many, but there were some who liked the video. It gained my attention because it tapped into what has been a big issue in my work.

People are often unable to tell values from wants.  Often, these people suffer from “Type Hype.” But, what’s the fix?

Like this post? Join my community to receive updates on the best content of this blog.

4 Reasons Why a Love Without “Scandal” Is Healthier

4 Reasons Why a Love Without “Scandal” Is Healthier

Unless you’ve lived under a rock for the last few years, you know about hit ABC’s drama, Scandal and its constantly conflicted main character, Olivia Pope.

Olivia Pope is a self-described “fixer” – a woman who, along with her team of associates, can make just about anyone come out of the biggest controversies smelling like a rose (whether they created the problems themselves or were thrust into them by happenstance). Except, ‘Liv…as everyone affectionately calls her, just can’t seem to “fix” her own beleaguered love life. Because, well…she’s having an affair with the President of the United States.

Scandal, now a nearly ubiquitous cultural mainstay, also has us talking about the state of relationships, and if the “drama” is worth it. Should we all want a “boring,” predictable kind of love, or an exciting one, rocked with drama and “scandal” (perhaps not of the affair-having variety)? Does the choice even have to be presented in such a dichotomous way?

Well, I think there’s 4 great reasons why a love without “scandal” is healthier…

Like this post? Join my community to receive updates on the best content of this blog.