Before clients of my agency begin the matchmaking phase, we first put them through several weeks of intensive coaching. Our focus during this pre-match time is to share effective dating strategies, review recent research, and most importantly, dispel myths! Over the years, I’ve heard just about everything, and I mean everythang! The following are the top 10 myths our female clients believed to be truths.
Myth 1. Men think about sex all day. False.
The statistic I most frequently hear is that sexual thoughts cross a man’s mind every seven seconds. This couldn’t be further from the truth. According to the Kinsey Institute, 54% of men think about sex every day, but 43% only consider it a few times a month or a few times a week, while 4% make it the whole month before pondering the subject. Sex is important for men but it’s not EVERY man’s Kryptonite.
Myth 2. Men aren’t as talkative as women. False.
When researchers compare the number of words used by both men and women in the same situation, the differences were negligible. If anything, studies show men talk a little bit more. In full disclosure, my wife will be quick to tell you that I often talk her to sleep 🙂
Myth 3. Men don’t like to commit. False.
This one I blame on perception. The fact that most of the dating market consists of men (and women) casually dating or hooking up, has us fooled. Of course people in that scenario don’t commit – it’s counter to the purpose of quick sex with multiple partners. However, there is different category of daters who are interested in finding the one. In that scenario, I’ve seen firsthand that not only do men seek commitment, but they do it faster than women. Bottom line, when you meet a man who is serious about a relationship and you meet a woman who is equally as serious, the man will attempt to “lock” the relationship in faster, most of the time.
Myth 4. Men don’t like to be asked out. False.
I write about this extensively in my book, It’s Complicated – But It Doesn’t Have To Be. Everyone appreciates being admired and having someone show enough interest to ask you out is the ultimate showing of flattery. What people don’t want is to be asked out by people they don’t like (or don’t find attractive).
Myth 5. Men don’t have feelings. False.
This may come as a surprise, but men are probably more emotional than women. How in the world is this possible? Unlike femininity, masculinity doesn’t permit emoting on a regular basis, so men are like Victorian novels: placid on the outside, but concealing a deep emotional life within. Convincing a man that it is masculine to open up—in fact, it takes more cojones to do so—is a cause women should embrace. By encouraging men to reveal their true feelings, women are helping them release pent-up emotions, leading to a happier and healthier guy.
Myth 6. Men are intimidated by strong women. False.
The word intimidated is the most misused word in dating. Yes, some men (just as some women) are intimidated in select situations (like getting set up on a blind date with Grace Jones) but most of the time, like 99% of the time, men with high self-esteem are not intimidated (but attracted) to strong women.
Myth 7. Foot or hand size correlates with penis size. False.
Researchers at University College London say there is no evidence linking a man’s shoe or hand size to the length of his penis. After measuring the vital parts of hundreds of men, they concluded that the theory has no scientific basis. The ability to predict the size of a man’s penis by observing his shoe size is a common misconception says Dr. Jyoyi Shah. Sorry Shaq fans.
Myth 8. Men don’t gossip. False.
The Social Issues Research Centre, a nonprofit think tank, has conducted numerous studies on gossip (and how it affects our lives) and interestingly found that 33% of men indulge in gossip daily or almost every day – compared with only 26% of women. Yes, men gossip more than women!
Myth 9. Men are less romantic than women. False
This may be hard to believe AND for some of you, this will be flat out impossible to agree with but please let this sink in… men actually have a more romantic outlook on love than women do. A much-used measure of romanticism, the Romantic Beliefs Scale, asks people to rate the extent to which they agree with statements like, “There will only be one real love for me,” and, “If I love someone, I know I can make the relationship work, despite any obstacles.” But it turns out that men typically outscore women on this measure.Men are also more likely than women to believe in the romantic notion of “love at first sight.”
Myth 10. Men identify themselves as their job. False
For most men, the pressures of work stem from two things: a desire to excel at something (a principle of manhood we were taught as boys) and a need to contribute to the well-being of our families. But [inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]duty is not the same as identity, and what one does is not the same as who one is.[/inlinetweet] This is true for women, too, but culturally men are more defined by their professions, which can keep their passions—what really identifies them—invisible. Talking with men about their interests is a great way to get away from the conventional ways they are seen—even how they see themselves—which will help ensure a more unconventional (and improved) masculinity.