Dating The Same Type of Person Says A Lot About You

Dating The Same Type of Person Says A Lot About You

If you keep winding up on dates with the same type of person, over and over again, this post is for you!

There are things we should know about our character and personality that make us susceptible to attracting and staying with unbalanced partners. It is important to pay attention to this because doing so can help bring healthier people into your life. The following are eight types of people and what dating them could say about you.

 

The Narcissist

Description: His/Her charm, talent, success, beauty and charisma cast a spell on you and everyone around. His/Her conversation is scintillating! Once hooked, however, you battle with their demands, criticisms and self-centeredness.

Consistently Dating Narcissists Could Mean: You are also narcissistic. If you’re a narcissist, the common misconception is that you love you some you. Actually, you dislike yourself immensely. Your inflated self-flattery, perfectionism, and arrogance are merely covers for the self-loathing you don’t admit—usually even to yourself. Narcissists often attract and it’s very dangerous: They’ll need each other one minute and fight the next over whose needs come first. Narcissism can be healed with courage, time and a commitment to yourself.

 

The Emotionally Unavailable

Description: He/She doesn’t eagerly show up for you. They are full of excuses and indecisive. He/She talks about the past a lot. They are quick to claim they like you but he’s/she’s not looking for a committed relationship for whatever reasons.

Consistently Dating Emotionally Unavailable People Could Mean: You don’t feel deserving. Not feeling worthy typically originates because someone significant failed to stand up for you earlier in life. Someone essential to supporting your life wasn’t there, or was abusive, or was neglectful. As a result, you came away with a deep-down feeling that you are not worthy. To correct this trait, it is important to begin by confronting (and often forgiving) the person who originally failed you.

 

The Needs to Be Fixed

Description: He/She feels “beneath” you. You consider him/her a diamond in the rough. The person who stands before you today isn’t great but sure does have potential. Dating them feels like a project.

Consistently Dating Needs to Be Fixed People Could Mean: You’re an over-compensator and you often make excuses for something or for what someone has done. Therefore, you walk into most relationships with extreme patience and a toolkit, ready to fix everything. This trait mostly comes as a result of overcompensating for some error or mistake in your own life. In order to really prove yourself to be someone worth dating is to stop trying to make up for what you either missed out on or something you did in your past that’s done and over with.

 

The Commitment-Phobe

Description: He/She has a history of short relationships and may never have been married. He has several excuses why he hasn’t met the right woman. He/She has justified their history by saying he has plenty of time to settle down. One of their favorite lines is “someday.”

Consistently Dating Commitment-Phobes Could Mean: You’re needy. Being persistently needy, whether it’s emotionally or otherwise, means you’re going to attract men who feel the need to “rescue” a woman (but not necessarily commit to her). Being needy means you thrive on the attention you get from men, no matter how little or infrequent. This is commonly seen in people who had abrupt endings to past relationships. In order to meet a secure person wanting to commit, you have to be a secure person who upholds your “relationship vitals.”

 

The Parasite

Description: He/She gets helps, at your expense and assisting him often puts you in harm’s way. Neither you nor the relationship benefit from what he/she takes from you. 

Consistently Dating Parasites Could Mean: You are insecure. Being insecure and having low self-esteem can attract needy and clingy men who use you. It’s important to have your self-esteem in order before you begin dating so that it sends a message to parasitic men that you don’t need them. I’m not asking you get all gangsta but you must assert yourself to show that you’re not a pushover either. People who are secure with themselves are less likely to attract a parasite.

 

The Bully

Description: He/She blames you for things that aren’t your fault. He/She talks to you like you are a child. They use an intimidating tone to others when asking for help. They criticizes your character and possibly even your children.

Consistently Dating Bullies Could Mean: You have problems maintaining emotional boundaries. You don’t instinctively know where to draw the lines of emotional responsibility between self and others. You seek to win over others by pleasing them or casting yourself in a favorable light, to your detriment. This boundary issue typically stems from carrying the burden of others’ emotions for which you aren’t responsible. When you become clear about where to take responsibility and where your emotional responsibility ends, you can better manage the boundaries.

 

The Pushover

Description: He/She will agree with anything you say. He/She has low self-esteem. He/She has no sense of self-confidence. He/She is unable to voice or argue opinions or desires.

Consistently Dating Pushovers Could Mean: You are a controlling person who tends to appear to have their stuff together. If you’re a controlling person, you easily attract (or should I say, go after and find) pushovers. These pushovers love you because they identify in you elements of maturity they don’t possess. Unfortunately, most of these pushovers never evolve and instead permanently take the role of “yes men/women.” It’s best, if you’re this type of person, to stay clear of pushovers and stay with more complimentary personalities.

 

The Taken

Description: He/She is married, engaged, or in a romantic relationship with someone other than  you. Please note, if he/she is married but separated, it still means he/she is married. 

Consistently Dating Taken People Could Mean: You have low self-esteem and no self-love. No matter the excuse, if you’re carrying on a “relationship” with someone who is in another relationship, you are exhibiting one of the lowest forms of self-love and self-respect. If you’re “dating” a cheater, you are in fact a cheater yourself and likely to be snide towards the people closest to you. Chances are, your family and friends have voiced concern over whom you’re involved with and as a result, your relationship with them has grown strained. While I don’t believe friends and family are the best relationship experts, if they all are telling you the same thing, listen!

Thoughts?  
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About Paul C. Brunson
Mentor, Entrepreneur, & Television Host. My goal is to help you live your best life. I’m the world’s most influential matchmaker, founded and exited three businesses, host two television shows, spent nearly a decade working directly for a billionaire, and share my experiences by mentoring through Knowledge Share

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102 Comments on "Dating The Same Type of Person Says A Lot About You"

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Melissa
Guest

I am sure this will ruffle a few feathers….. I attracted men that were emotionally unavailable for awhile until I decided it’s time to let go of things I cannot change! Now I can be up front with my desire for a relationship and able to walk away happily if the man isn’t! We as people forget our worth many times…. I say people because there are men attracting the wrong type of women as well.

Paul Carrick Brunson
Guest

Well said!

Troy Spry
Guest

Great list Paul. I think sometimes instead of just saying “we’ll I like what I like” we need to reflect on WHY we like what we like and thus it might help us to choose a little more wisely! Thanks for sharing!

Jessica
Guest
I think the emotionaly unavailable should be given chances but you have to be willing to know where you draw the line. I’m very broken from some experiences I’ve had with my parents, which I have forgiven. But in the end, seeing though as I have a child, I remove them immediately. I gave my sons father who was abusive and an alcoholic 5 years so I understand why its so important to know when to to cut things off and move on. Men don’t reach the expectations women want from them emotionally because a lot of times its because… Read more »
Jana
Guest

The parasite! I think many women are attracted to parasitic relationships, and confuse their need to constantly give with being nurturing. There’s an extreme difference between being nurturing and being a sponsor. Knowing your self worth is the key to knowing the difference. Brilliant Paul!

Eugenia Berg
Guest

Love the list but I’m going to have to disagree why people date narcissist. Particularly ppl with narcissistic personality disorder, it’s not b/c they’re narcissist themselves. It’s usually b/c they are co-dependent. Narcissist don’t have time for another narcissist, they want power, they want be worshipped, you’re not going to find that with another narcissist only with a co-dependent. And trust me, I know.

Biiond Liza Ellen
Guest

I agree with you part way. I’ve seen them attract each other and it works at first because they give to each other in order to get a return for themselves. As you said, they do attract codependent people as well. So in my experience the truth is your theory and his combined. People with any degree of narcissistic personality disorder need to be alone and fix whatever makes them so self centered.

Eugenia Berg
Guest
Narcissistic personality disorder is deeper than people just being self centered or self centered or self involved. It’s a borderline personality disorder, yes as Paul says they don’t love themselves in fact, they hate themselves and hate you too. They don’t give they take, take, take, they take, they use co dependents to prop up their false sense of self. You have to understand what codependency is to understand why is to get why real folks w/ narcissistic personality disorder are not dating other people narcissistic personality disorder. As soon as a person gets too codependent they push you away,… Read more »
Special K
Guest

Very interesting post. It certainly confirms my thinking. I date the emotionally unavailable. And just as I thought its because my dad werent around for me. I have decided not to put up with that behaviour anymore and I need to create a r/ship with my dad. Im getting there slowly but surely.

Tonja Mccaslin-Spencer
Guest
Tonja Mccaslin-Spencer
My ex husband was a narcissist. I know he hated himself and over compensated by exuding a flamboyant personality. I too had an immense hatred for myself and the relationship was toxic and abusive. I then met the emotionally unavailable. Holy moly!!!! The entire description of who that person is and the person that gets involved with them fit like a glove. I yelled in agreement. I am now doing some very healthy things in realizing why this is happening and where it comes from . This whole thing could not have come to me on a more perfect day.… Read more »
Christine Pembleton
Guest

I love the description about attracting “fixer uppers”. A great insight… one that I will take a look at more closely.

The Married Maven
Guest

So true…shared!

Shawanda Patterson-Pearl
Guest
Shawanda Patterson-Pearl

Ha!

Peace Aislinn
Guest

Every time you point a finger, you got 3 pointin right back at YOU

Emily Bryant
Guest

Not all but one for sure…lmao

Lisa La Freniere
Guest

I don’t regret anything except the endings. Prior to the last 2, major crazy. Haha.

LaShunda Sellars-Cogshell
Guest
LaShunda Sellars-Cogshell

Funny but true. Not me, just saying. 🙂

Tracie Hedgeman
Guest

Lol ! True

Corina Lilly
Guest

Then I read this Jaime X-factor lol

Sarni Randle
Guest

Lol, funny. Actually people who date Narcissists mostly that’s a whole other reason than them being N themselves, usually the polar opposite which is why N’s pick them, they worship these types. Everything all goes back to childhood issues most of the time anyway! Good post.

Sharon Spence
Guest

Lol!

Brea McClendon
Guest

Lol

Carleen Hall-Miranda
Guest

Truthful

Denise Carr
Guest

Kayla Laviguer

Kayla Laviguer
Guest

Hahaha.. Heard this and repeated it SEVERAL times!!

Kevana Nixon
Guest

So true Paul!

Shiba Shorter
Guest

….I read the article and I fall into the over compensating category! I just recently tossed my “toolkit” away and enjoying me time. This was a cool read and dead on point. Thanks for sharing.

Catherine Lybarger
Guest

HA

James Pierce
Guest

U are so true and that is Fo-Real

Natalie Massenburg
Guest

Yup. Raises a red flag for me when guys say that ALL the time.

Patricia Villasenor
Guest

Sounds like my life :

Wendy Añuli
Guest

lol

Shamek'o Barren
Guest

Lmao!!

Ariadne Koko
Guest

That’s why imma goin nowheres #incurable

Lchiha
Guest

None of these lol

Becca Danielle
Guest

Maybe you attract crazy people because God is calling you to be a counselor and you just weren’t aware…lol #glasshalffull

Mami N Charge
Guest

You can’t point fingers, you can only analyze the “crazy” in you

Marion Matthews
Guest

thanks, an eye opener

Cassandra Flemming
Guest

I have come to the conclusion that I don’t know how to date, at all…

Azure Saunders
Guest

Piper LaRue lol!

Yasmine Deetjen
Guest

Hmmmm but I’ve had this mirror tho

Elisabeth Cardenas
Guest

lmao

Gerrina Coco Miles
Guest

Jessie Smith

Palace Zinnermon-McMichael
Guest
Palace Zinnermon-McMichael

Lol

Stefan Colwell
Guest

Very good character assesment

Beth Taylor Slaughter
Guest
Beth Taylor Slaughter

Love this!

Dorothy Cole
Guest

I know I’m just as crazy as they were. But they are done, and I have moved on.

Elodie Nadine
Guest

Lol

Tammy Goolsby
Guest

Wow

Mithsou Charles
Guest

Hit the.nail.on the head. So true

Emily Elizabeth Pierce
Guest
Emily Elizabeth Pierce

I like that!

Emily Elizabeth Pierce
Guest
Emily Elizabeth Pierce

I read this thank god my bf doesn’t fall into any of these categories 😛 lol…

Betty Cosculluela
Guest

lol, good point, need to look at yourself

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