How To Build or Rebuild Trust (in 14 Steps)

How To Build or Rebuild Trust (in 14 Steps)

Trust can take a lifetime to build and only a second to lose. We’ve seen these words play out in the lives of countless public figures, among our friends & family, and in our own personal life.

As a part of my coaching & matchmaking intake process, I conduct a “360 analysis” which includes interviews with my clients’ past spouses, dates, and friends. In nearly 100% of the cases, “loss of trust” was reported as an ingredient in the demise of a past relationship. I often say that all relationships (personal, professional, and romantic) begin and end with trust.

So with trust being such an integral part of our relationships, knowing how to manage it is imperative. In today’s post I focus on how to build trust or what to do when trust is lost AND you want to regain it. Here are 14 ways to build or rebuild trust:

1) Stop Lying – When we tell the truth, even when it isn’t pleasant, we become much more trustworthy. Becoming known as a person who doesn’t lie, even in tough times or moments of significant pressure, shows people your moral strength. Being appreciated for honesty sustains trustworthiness.

2) Set Your Expectations – Studies show the average person tells 4 lies per day. People are human, frail, and sinful. The key is to trust people as who they are rather than the person we want them to be.

3) Do What You Say You’re Going To Do – The foundation of trust typically doesn’t break suddenly, it erodes over time. Keep your eye on the small things. Canceling or failing to follow through on simple tasks will create hairline fractures in your trustworthiness. Enough of those, and the foundation will crumble.

4) Be A Better Communicator – This is the single most important part of relationship management. There are many ways to grow your skills in this area but start with being a better listener (and the most effective listeners use their eyes). Remember that 93% of communication is non-verbal.

5) Express Your Needs Clearly – Value your needs enough to convey them. It’s unfair and unhealthy to exist in a relationship where your partner or friends must guess about your needs.

6) Be Positive – This goes hand in hand with smiling. We naturally trust people we perceive to be nice. Why do you think salespeople grin so much? I once heard a researcher say when it comes to trust [inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]we believe 99% of what we see and 1% of what we hear[/inlinetweet].

7) Embrace Shared, Rather Than Personal Goals – Trust comes when we feel our partner (or team) is pulling together to accomplish a shared vision, rather than a personal agenda. This is the essence of teamwork. When a team really works, the players trust one another. As my wife always says “it takes teamwork to make the dream work.

8) Don’t Allow Issues To Go Unresolved – Allowing any issue, no matter how small, to go unaddressed manifests into larger issues. Putting a problem off for later discussion or dismissing it with hopes of it being forgotten is the worst conflict resolution strategy. If you have an issue, address it, even if only to acknowledge it. When you start talking about a problem, you’re half way to resolving the problem.

9) Hold To Your Highest Moral Standard – This is very important in romantic relationships or when leading a team. It’s critical for people to feel confident that you will not falter or betray them. When your ability to be true or dedicated isn’t questioned, being trusted becomes a stronger consideration.

10) Volunteer Information – I fall victim to this often. I’ll come back from hanging out with the fellas and my wife will ask how it went and I’ll say “it was cool.” No bueno! Why? Because she wants to know more than that. When an opportunity to be vague arises, don’t take it. Tell people things they need or want to know. If you begin to provide reliable information they will trust you.

11) Be Consistent – This is a character trait very easily determined. It underscores your reliability and predictability. Someone with consistent character is thought to have good judgement in handling situations.

12) Treat People Fairly & Equally – Plain and simple, apply the rule: “Treat others as you would like to be treated.” When you do that, not only are you typically reciprocated but you also exude the character of someone who is trustworthy.

13) Be A Confidant – Don’t be a gossip. Enough said. You can only be trusted when people know you to be discreet with secrets.

14) Fight Fair – Despite what many say, fighting is a part of any good relationship. The problem is not that couples fight, but how they fight. If you fight unfairly, then you destroy trust. If you fight fairly, you build trust. A fair fight means that you never resort to name calling or putdowns, keep the discussion in the present, don’t use phrases that are absolutes (such as “you never” or “you always”), don’t bring the other person’s family into the issue to support your case or to attack your spouse.

To discover more about what I’ve learned about trust in my marriage, read this short post.

 

 

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About Paul C. Brunson
Mentor, Entrepreneur, & Television Host. My goal is to help you live your best life. I’m the world’s most influential matchmaker, founded and exited three businesses, host two television shows, spent nearly a decade working directly for a billionaire, and share my experiences by mentoring through Knowledge Share

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46 Comments on "How To Build or Rebuild Trust (in 14 Steps)"

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BarbaraKimmel
Guest

Thanks Paul. Can you imagine how different the world would be if everyone read this list and accepted even one of the suggestions listed? I particularly like, “Do what you say you are going to do.” So often trust is lost in both personal and business relationship based on lack of accountability.

Barbara Kimmel, Executive Director
Trust Across America – Trust Around the World
http://www.trustacrossamerica.com

Paul Carrick Brunson
Guest

Thanks for reading the post Barbara! I’m going to visit your site, as well.

Breffni
Guest

this is so helpful. thank you.

Paul Carrick Brunson
Guest

Thanks for reading it Breffni!

TheBlackTinaFey
Guest

For years I thought trust was limited to the area of fidelity in relationships. Not so. Most recently, I found myself constantly requesting #3, #4, #8, and #11 stating their importance as foundation principles for any relationship. I feel like this article is confirmation of why we continued having challenges in this area. Thank you so much for this, Paul.

Paul Carrick Brunson
Guest

Thank you so much for reading the post sis!

Hopeful
Guest

My boyfriend and I were just trying to figure out how to rebuild trust and I saw this on Twitter. Thank you. These are great tips. Fingers crossed this helps.

Paul Carrick Brunson
Guest

So glad this post got to you at the right time! I wish you and your boyfriend the best.

Abra Frickin Cadabra
Guest

Very good advice.

Paul Carrick Brunson
Guest

Glad you found value in it Abra!

Rhonda Orick
Guest
I’ve always thought without trust, there is truly no real relationship. I’ve tried to tell three of my five brothers this. They used to be obsessed with things like, timing their wife’s grocery store trips, one use to come to my home insisting on seeing my phone bill. I asked him why, lol. He wanted to check if his wife had made phone calls when she would come over with her kids to visit while he was at work. I gave it to him, he reached in his wallet and pulled out a piece of paper. I said, “What’s that?”… Read more »
LovelyLady34
Guest

This is so good . My gosh I really needed that to reevaluate and transition. Thank you so much you don’t know how much this help when moving forward. Thank you

Ms Tebby
Guest

This is so me.. I possess all these good values but I find people taking advantage of me Paul, they will only remember I exist when they “need me”, they know they can count on me coz I’m trustworthy for their convenience. Its not a good place to be in.

LauraAnderson1
Guest

HELLO i was able to save my marriage with the help of Dr.Lawrence drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail.com .my husband left me for over 16weeks and he stop responding to my call and emails but after i contacted Dr.Lawrence he did a spell that made my husband to come back to me within the period of 24hours and ever since my husband came back to me he is so com

Alex Merritt
Guest

This is a great reminder.

Leonard Diggs
Guest

Live by it.

Chris Zwiener
Guest

Excellent. Learning to trust anyone ever again is going to be my biggest hurdle.

Tamara Alexander
Guest

These words are so true in any relationship

Falisha Kinsey
Guest

Yes it easy to trust but when we lose trust it’s harder than ever to rebuild…..I slowly rebuild my trust…..

godsaint333
Guest
I was really missing my wife when she left me for someone else. I was weak to take care of some situations and i let her slip my arms. I had to talk to my partner at the office who recently got her husband back. She told me to get in touch with John Patience who helped her get her husband back with a love spell. I was very sure of this because John has helped my partner get her husband back. So i called John Patience and told him i lost my lover and wanted her back. He encouraged… Read more »
Fiona McMenamin
Guest
All thanks to Baba Agba…. My name is Fiona McMenamin am from Preth WA I am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my Ex back.I was going crazy when my boyfriend left me for another girl last month, But when I meet a friend that introduce me to Baba Agba the great messenger of the oracle that he serve, I narrated my problem to Baba Agba about how my ex love left me and also how I needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me… Read more »
serenausery
Guest

But how can you rebuild trust again in a relationship what are some of the thing you can do

louise216000
Guest
How i got my Husband  back Thanks to Lord Alika for bringing back my Husband ,and brought great joy to my family??? My name is Kathryn Louise, My Ex-Husband dumped me two weeks ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don’t know what to do, so I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help people to get their ex back so I contact the… Read more »
judywilliams557
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marianya
Guest
This is my testimony about the good work of a man who helped me..My name is CAROLINE WAYNE. and I am based in NEW YORK , USA. My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me with our three children. I felt like my life was about to end,and was falling apart. Thanks to a spell caster called papa Justus who i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I was searching for a good spell caster that can solve my problems. I came across series of testimonies about this… Read more »
MaryKings
Guest

I am so happy to share my experience that i had with Dr.Lawrence I contacted Dr.Lawrence last month for assistance to get my ex boyfriend back who left me for no reason and i have been putting my possible best to see how i can get him back. The time came when my best was good enough because through the help of Dr.Lawrence my ex boyfriend came to me begging me to accept him.  to read more about Dr.Lawrence and his powers or you can contact Dr.Lawrence at: Drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail.com

MarryJane2
Guest
I was married for 1 year, i was 5 months pregnant, i loved my husband so much, and keep putting up with all his excuses, and believing that he loves me. I found out 3 months ago that he has been testing some woman he works with and it started 1 month after we got married, he says they are just friends and i called her and she says the same, i dint believe him, we fought because i have found numerous other emails, and texts on his phone from other women, so he agreed to get rid of his… Read more »
MariaColeman1
Guest
Hi everyone, I’m so excited. My ex-boyfriend is back after a breakup,I’m extremely happy that will are living together again. My name is Mary Wilkie from England. My boyfriend of a 4yr just broke up with me and am 30 weeks pregnant.I have cried my self to sleep most of the nights and don’t seem to concentrate during lectures sometimes I stay awake almost all night thinking about him and start to cry all over again.Because of this I end up not having energy for my next day’s classes ,my attendance has dropped and am always in uni and on… Read more »
SandCliff
Guest
It is a thing of joy to finally have my husband back after leaving me and our two kids for 3 years. My husband was the best thing that have ever happen to me, he was so caring and understanding till he met a girl called Sophia and ever since then his attitude change towards me and our kids and he became what i never imagined. He keeps late night with Sophia and most time he won’t came home. One day he told me he needs a divorces, i weep and was heart broken, there was nothing i could do… Read more »
parrimark
Guest
My husband left me and our daughter two weeks ago and is already dating a girl he just met three months ago and has only been hanging out with her for the two weeks he has been gone. She is also married with two kids of her own. They claim to be moving in together but she basically spend every night with him at his motel he is staying at till they can get their own place. My husband has no license and therefore I have to give him a ride to and from work everyday Because his new “gf”… Read more »
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anonymouscomment
Guest
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anonymouscomment
Guest
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