When genuinely searching for a committed partner (leading to marriage), there is nothing worse than wasting your time with someone who is simply looking for quick sex, casual dating, or just a long-term hang out buddy. By my estimate, 80% or more of daters are not looking for anything serious and although I’m an advocate for “date practicing”, I’m not a proponent of giving your time or resources to a dead end partner.
If you find yourself debating whether the person you’re “dating” is non-committal, here are 8 quick ways to determine if he/she has long-term intentions:
1) Aggressive Body Language
If he/she can’t keep their hands off you, even after you ask them, they’re exhibiting behavior that usually doesn’t go anywhere positive. Committed-minded men and women know and show respect, especially of your body.
2) Long History of Non-Commitment
History is truly a good predictor of the future. This applies to most things in life including your relationships. A very telling question to ask your partner is “what have been the challenges for you finding the right person?” If their answer is anything connected with “I’m looking for the IDEAL partner” it might be time to get your running shoes! The “I’m in search of the PERFECT partner” answer is dangerous for many reasons. Namely because mature relationship seekers understand there is no such thing as partner perfection but rather it’s about compatibility.
3) Large Gaps of Time When Communicating With You
My agency’s clients and the people we match them with are mostly busy professionals. After 6 years of matchmaking, one simple concept has remained true, effort always equals interest . No matter how busy a client or match has been, if they had a genuine interest in a long-term relationship, they made time to communicate. Several days or weeks would never pass without a call, text, or visit. So if your partner mysteriously disappears on you, know it isn’t a mystery why. They’re not into you (for committed purposes).
4) Asks Few Questions & Makes More Statements
This one is tricky to determine, but a powerful indicator when detected. If the person you’re with rarely asks you questions or seeks to get your opinion, it might be time to jump ship! The desire for your thoughts and perspective will be strongest in those who are truly trying to assess long-term relationship potential.
5) No Curiosity of Your Passions
Similar to interest in your thoughts (#4 above), a commitment-minded partner will also be interested in what you are passionate about. Why? The path to love is paved by the stones of desire. True romance is having a strong feeling of wanting to become as close as humanly possible, physically and emotionally. Love is three quarters curiosity ~Giacomo Casanova
6) Your Boundaries Are Continually Tested
When you give a courteous direction, like “I prefer not to introduce my children to anyone I’m dating until after several months” and then 2 weeks in the relationship you get from your partner, “Why haven’t I seen your kids, yet?” Make a note! If you have been clear about a boundary and your partner insists on (and even makes a game of) breaking it, that’s not someone who truly wants to be your better half, that’s someone who wants to bully you.
7) His/Her Best Friends Are Non-Committal
The bottom line is birds of feather flock together. There are countless studies showing the similarities of values and characteristics in close friends. I know right now you’re doing a quick evaluation of your BFFs and if you think long enough about it, it’s true – your closest friends have more in common with you than not (which is why they’re your best friends). So do an evaluation of your partner’s best friends, and if their commonality is casual dating and hook-ups, chances are, that’s the same desire of your partner.
8) He/She Tells You
Most non-committal men and women I know fit in this category. They straight-up tell the people they’re seeing they’re not interested in marriage. The problem is most people who date them, don’t take them at their word or worst yet, think they can change or reform them. Please write this down, take it to the bank and cash it: If a man or woman says he or she is not interested or unsure of “settling down,” take them at their word!