8 Quick Ways To Detect A Non-Committal Man or Woman

When genuinely searching for a committed partner (leading to marriage), there is nothing worse than wasting your time with someone who is simply looking for quick sex, casual dating, or just a long-term hang out buddy. By my estimate, 80% or more of daters are not looking for anything serious and although I’m an advocate for “date practicing”, I’m not a proponent of giving your time or resources to a dead end partner.

If you find yourself debating whether the person you’re “dating” is non-committal, here are 8 quick ways to determine if he/she has long-term intentions:

non_committal_dating_m

1)   Aggressive Body Language

If he/she can’t keep their hands off you, even after you ask them, they’re exhibiting behavior that usually doesn’t go anywhere positive. Committed-minded men and women know and show respect, especially of your body.

 

2)   Long History of Non-Commitment

History is truly a good predictor of the future. This applies to most things in life including your relationships. A very telling question to ask your partner is “what have been the challenges for you finding the right person?” If their answer is anything connected with “I’m looking for the IDEAL partner” it might be time to get your running shoes! The “I’m in search of the PERFECT partner” answer is dangerous for many reasons. Namely because mature relationship seekers understand there is no such thing as partner perfection but rather it’s about compatibility.

 

3)   Large Gaps of Time When Communicating With You

My agency’s clients and the people we match them with are mostly busy professionals. After 6 years of matchmaking, one simple concept has remained true, effort always equals interest . No matter how busy a client or match has been, if they had a genuine interest in a long-term relationship, they made time to communicate. Several days or weeks would never pass without a call, text, or visit. So if your partner mysteriously disappears on you, know it isn’t a mystery why.  They’re not into you (for committed purposes).

 

4)   Asks Few Questions & Makes More Statements

This one is tricky to determine, but a powerful indicator when detected. If the person you’re with rarely asks you questions or seeks to get your opinion, it might be time to jump ship! The desire for your thoughts and perspective will be strongest in those who are truly trying to assess long-term relationship potential.

 

5)   No Curiosity of Your Passions

Similar to interest in your thoughts (#4 above), a commitment-minded partner will also be interested in what you are passionate about. Why? The path to love is paved by the stones of desire. True romance is having a strong feeling of wanting to become as close as humanly possible, physically and emotionally. Love is three quarters curiosity ~Giacomo Casanova

 

6)   Your Boundaries Are Continually Tested

When you give a courteous direction, like “I prefer not to introduce my children to anyone I’m dating until after several months” and then 2 weeks in the relationship you get from your partner, “Why haven’t I seen your kids, yet?” Make a note! If you have been clear about a boundary and your partner insists on (and even makes a game of) breaking it, that’s not someone who truly wants to be your better half, that’s someone who wants to bully you.

 

7)   His/Her Best Friends Are Non-Committal

The bottom line is birds of feather flock together. There are countless studies showing the similarities of values and characteristics in close friends. I know right now you’re doing a quick evaluation of your BFFs and if you think long enough about it, it’s true – your closest friends have more in common with you than not (which is why they’re your best friends). So do an evaluation of your partner’s best friends, and if their commonality is casual dating and hook-ups, chances are, that’s the same desire of your partner.

 

8)   He/She Tells You

Most non-committal men and women I know fit in this category. They straight-up tell the people they’re seeing they’re not interested in marriage. The problem is most people who date them, don’t take them at their word or worst yet, think they can change or reform them. Please write this down, take it to the bank and cash it: If a man or woman says he or she is not interested or unsure of “settling down,” take them at their word!

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About Paul C. Brunson
Mentor, Entrepreneur, & Television Host. My goal is to help you live your best life; in love and professionally. I’m the world’s most influential matchmaker, founded and exited three businesses, host two television shows, spent nearly a decade working directly for a billionaire, and share my experiences by mentoring and coaching thousands of people.
70 comments
lyscactus@gmail.com
lyscactus@gmail.com

I like the picture you put in this article, because 'large gaps of time before communicating with me' has been my most frustrating problem in the dating games. Good article! You really pin pointed the issues.

Chris Zwarg
Chris Zwarg

The article gives valuable advice but in a very odd way - the whole thing reads as if a non-committal date were undesirable. Surely the idea ought to be how to reliably find non-committal partners and avoid those who would ultimately ruin your life through the legal form of slavery called "marriage". Mr Brunson looks like a young man from the 21st century but has a very peculiar way of talking like the worst type of Puritan. Still, an interesting essay that might come helpful if you read between the lines.

imaway
imaway

i have been married but he hasnt..we have been boyfriend/girlfriend for 20yrs but he doesnt seem to want to be more especially not let me get dependent on him..hard to describe especially as we are in our later 60s.Am i wasting my life?

imaway
imaway

what about dating for 20yrs but he still remains wary

Ermila Carlin
Ermila Carlin

Yes indeed, sage advice. And it should come as little surprise when this person CHEATS on you because they are emotionally un-committed to you in the first place! Steer all the way clear......weather the seasonal lonliness. ..and the RIGHT person will walk into your life....Trust God!

Curtis Pinson
Curtis Pinson

she is letting go now and seen where real love is ! THANK GOD

Rogue Angel
Rogue Angel

The one about friends is really true. Like the saying goes "show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are". Guess that's why most of my really close friends are 10+yrs older than me and married/were married.

Monika KayEm
Monika KayEm

#3 is a key indicator in my books. Esp the decline of effort to connect/communicate in a relationship going nowhere. Notice the pattern, don't justify or rationalize it. Actions speak louder than words. Effort = interest.

kay
kay

Yes, yes and yes!

DC
DC

This was very informative. I have experienced these and knew that the person was non-committal before reading this article, so I feel good knowing that I wasn't just crazy or "off" about my assessment.

Very good read.

DrLCJ
DrLCJ

#Confirmation of what I've dealt with and #GotGhost

Namie Bimba
Namie Bimba

Lydia Abitbol Check out this article!

Shan Anderson
Shan Anderson

Angela Williamson, hmmmmmmm! Doggone #2! :-)

Mignant Mickey Henderson- Thomas
Mignant Mickey Henderson- Thomas

I realized you must listen to the history. Most people tell you who they are initially we just don't listen to them. I am sorry I wasted 10 years with a man who had a history of non commitment. We just never listen as women because we are happy for the attention. Engagement rings joint accounts will not make him committed. Thanks for the 8 ways to detect. Mines was a cop I believed him until I caught him.

Monica S. Gaspard
Monica S. Gaspard

Raquel Tiggs here's that article I was telling u about the other day

Kim
Kim

Somebody from Preachers of LA needs to read this

Keenan L. White
Keenan L. White

Commitment comes with responsibility ... a lot of people have so many responsibilities already that the work necessary to sustain a committed relationship doesn't fit in a lot of people's lifestyles.

Tinzley Bradford
Tinzley Bradford

Why don't people want to commit? I think that will be my next blog topic. With all that's going on in today's world, having ONE special person you know you can trust and who loves you should be the goal. Can't be a player forever!!

Lisa
Lisa

Wow!!  1,2 3, 4 & 6 were clues?  I needed this 6 months ago…Oh well…I’m wiser for the next time!!

PhillyL
PhillyL

My ex was 1,2,6, &7. I'm SO glad I finally woke up and walked away!