“When it’s right, it’s easy!”
I found myself saying this a lot to clients I coach…
But, somewhere along the way, something changed.
I believe it’s time we get back to the K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple, Stupid) principle just for our own dating sanity!! I’ve got my own 4 ideas of what K.I.S.S. can stand for though, so let’s talk about it…
When Dating Gets Tough, K.I.S.S.
What used to be as simple as “I like you…do you like me?” turned into “I’m gonna act like I don’t like you so that you will like me more.”
What used to be as simple and straightforward as posing the question “will you be my girlfriend?” turned into “we’re not together, but we are together, but only when it’s convenient for me, but in the meantime I’ll get mad if you talk to someone else.”
What used to be “I can’t wait to call and talk to you!” turned into “I can only text if you text me first and I gotta space my responses out so that I don’t look thirsty.”
What used to be seen as chivalrous if he opened your door or pulled out your chair turned into “I don’t need him to open my doors, I’ve got two hands just like him and I can open my own doors!”
Why has this shift occurred? Because neither party wants to show any signs of vulnerability or weakness by giving someone else the “upper hand.”
Really, people? We’ve turned dating into calculus and we made it so hard that very few can understand it!
But let’s take the difficulty out of it, by using my 4 K.I.S.S. principles…
Know your purpose for dating.
The biggest recipe for dating disaster is when you go into it with no idea about what you want or what your end game is. You may call it going with the flow, but I call it setting yourself up to drown!
When someone asks you what you are looking for, you should have done enough self-evaluation for it to roll off of your tongue like your ABC’s! If you want to know why you keep ending up in “situations” with so much ambiguity, then you may want to look at the game plan you had before getting yourself into the dating game.
Follow your intuition!
Your gut told you that she was looking for more than just sex. Your gut told you that he was already involved with someone. Your gut told you that he/she was really insecure and it would come back to haunt you.
3. Slow Down
I get that he turns you on, or that she has your nose wide open (like the old folks used to say) and the chemistry is great, but that doesn’t mean go from 0 to 10 in 2 dates!
I know it may be tempting to expedite the dating process because it’s easier to just believe that the person is everything you want them to be. If you don’t slow down, though, their representative (because you haven’t met the “real” guy or girl yet) will fool you every time!
Take some time to get to know the person on multiple levels, in different situations and varying circumstances to see if their claimed values are their real values.
This could make or break the future of the relationship, so don’t skip this step!
4. Say it!
If you want to spend time with someone, SAY IT. If you want to talk on the phone rather than text, SAY IT! If you desire an actual relationship and not just a “situationship,” then SAY IT! If you want to go on dates that involve more than a RedBox movie and his apartment at midnight then, SAY IT! If you find that your values and intentions just don’t match, then just SAY IT and move on…it’s OK!
I’m often asked the question “Why is dating so hard?” My response is always simple: dating the right way isn’t hard, because when it’s right….it’s easy! Leave the games for the kids and instead just K.I.S.S.!
What other ways have you simplified the dating process? Have you used one of the above K.I.S.S. principles? Let’s talk about it!