What Do Men (Really) Like?!: 6 Things Men of Substance Value Most

“Troy, I just don’t get it! What do men like?”

I could sense the frustration in her voice as she asked the question. She was just like a woman you may know – one who is frustrated with dating. She is exhausted from the games, tired of the lack of consistency, and worn out from men wanting to give her everything sexual but without commitment!

To her, the men people said were supposed to be so “simple” have turned into physics, accounting, and statistics all at the same time.

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Well, the truth is that I can’t tell you what men like because men like different things, but I can tell you (based on my thousands of conversations) 6 things men of substance VALUE most!

What Men of Substance Value Most

 

1. …Women Who Value Themselves

I know that newer generations are way more liberal in their behavior, and we live in the “don’t judge me age,” but the truth is: women that value themselves are viewed as more worthwhile of our time .

Women who value their bodies, their time, energy and minds are way more appealing to a man of substance. Taking care of yourself shows your ability to nurture, and that’s key if a man is looking for a woman to make a wife and start a family with.

Men are simple but we pay attention way more than we get credit for . How you take care of your body, your house, your car, and your family all matters.

 

2. …More Peace & Less Chaos

The men I speak to that are in the happiest relationships are the ones that are full of peace .

Not the “she doesn’t care what I do and she let’s me take advantage of her” peace, but that “she makes our house peaceful, we both give each other space, and she communicates instead of nagging me” type of peace. That “baby I’m going to watch the game with the fellas and she says “have fun” type of peace. I’m talking about that “hey baby how was your day?” when I walk in the door type of peace.

In other words if as a man you are fulfilling your obligations, she appreciates it and finds more reasons to love and less reasons to nag.

 

3. …Women Who Get Along Well With Others

Men of substance don’t like to be embarrassed and they value a woman who can handle herself in different places and in situations. I’m talking about the type of women who can be around the fellas and be cool. Or, she can be at the company Christmas party and can handle herself without her man by her side. Men also value the woman who isn’t always the one stirring up the drama. If you have a different circle of friends every few months because you “fell out” with the other ones then we notice and it’s not cute or cool.

 

4. …Women Who Can Cook!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know this is a new era and some women don’t feel they should have to cook anymore. I also know that more men are great cooks. So I get it, but I have yet to meet a man who didn’t like for a woman to know how to prepare a good meal.

It’s important if we consider building a family, it’s important for entertaining guests and family, and quite frankly it’s just sexy! We aren’t saying you have to be a gourmet chef but it doesn’t hurt to know how to whip up some spaghetti, or something!

Sure, we can buy food, but watching a woman do her thing in the kitchen is almost an aphrodisiac!

 

5. …Women Who Support More Than They Discourage

The truth is, men need emotional support from their women . It’s usually the only place where we can be vulnerable enough to admit it. And, men of substance with ambition and dreams need to know that you believe in him. Short, sweet and true.

 

6. …Sex!

Yes, I knew you saw this one coming.

But, I’m not saying you should go around giving of yourself to every man expecting him to value you. You don’t want to just be a laymate. That’s not healthy. The sex has to come after the substance , but once the substance is validated and true commitment is formed, then YES, we value sex.

I’m not just talking about the you lie there like a dead fish type of sex either. I’m talking about being an active participant, knowing what you want, and you taking initiative sometimes. Men want to feel wanted just as women do  and we want to be assured that we are satisfying you as well. It’s a team effort!

Ladies, you may think that this is BS and that you’ve tried all of these things and they didn’t work. That may be true, and maybe you just didn’t choose wisely or maybe he was just a jerk. Ultimately it’s not a perfect formula and you don’t have to try to have all these qualities at all times.

Understand that no matter what, if a man wants to be with you, he will do just that .

 

The question now becomes, “what makes you valuable?” Ask yourself this, but more importantly…know the answer.

 

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About Troy Spry
Troy Spry is a certified life and relationship coach and “Reality Expert”. A graduate of Winthrop University in South Carolina, he studied Psychology and officially began the study of human behavior. Troy started a blog called XKLUSIVE THOUGHTS as a way to invite the world to share in the many interesting thoughts and conversations he had about life.
136 comments
msclassynora
msclassynora

😂😂#WayToGo#TroySpry #SomeWomenWill4EverBeLonely, #TheyWill4EverSpeak2DamnMuchAndKnowVeryLittle #JustBuildingTheirOwnBitterNest SMH!! #Point This is an Article Correct which he has many of both Genders but I guess since you just happen to scroll across this One it made you feel some type of way!! #GetOutYourFeelingsLadies💁I Agree With All 6 And Not Only On My Side But So Does My Husband Practices Them All As Well!! A #ManInTheKitchen My Kind Of Hubby 18 Yrs Strong 👊WhatYouHeard #VeryPeaceful/Happiness/LoveUnconditionalOnAllGround/Joy/TooooDamnBlessed. So, we thank you TroySpry❤👆#1stThinkB4YouSpeak #Education&KnowlegeIsPower #AgainResearchB4YouSpeak SMDH Women Love The Pitty Party...Uggghhhh 💁😕😶👊✔💯✌

#PrayingForYourSadSouls #GodBlessWomenInTodayGenerationAndTheMenThatTheyAreFacedWith!! #FavorIsNeverFair

#ProVerbs12:4

#Mark10:6-9

WomenGetOutYourFeelings

PRoundsJR
PRoundsJR

This article is 100% correct! To the women complaining, this article was written to inform you, not to speak about what women want. Marnie Merrilees, please explain how this is chauvinistic in any way. Moreover, you should write an article on what women want if you wish to inform us and get off of your feminist pedal stool.

PRoundsJR
PRoundsJR

This article is 100% correct! To the women complaining, this article was written to inform you, not to speak about what women want. Marnie Merrilees, please explain how this is chauvinistic in any way. Moreover, you should write an article on what men want if you wish to inform us and get off of your feminist pedal stool.

Faith Jamison
Faith Jamison

Paul Carrick Brunson, thank you for sharing Sir.. A very good read.. Proverbs 31..

Lana Price
Lana Price

I'm always on the fence about the cooking thing. I like to cook a lot, but I feel like sometimes the culinary abilities of a woman have a higher value than if she's accomplished something other than domesticity. When a man graduates from school, no one says "Can he cook though?" I could have a PhD and I feel like I'd still be judged on my ability to make a casserole lol. Makes me want to hide not only that I can cook, but that I like it. The other 5 I can roll with \U0001f601

Marnie Merrilees
Marnie Merrilees

Jewelle Huggins very well said! It concerns me greatly that an influential public speaker posted this chauvinistic garbage. Men and women are equal are they not? Then why 'expect' women to 'behave' in line with men's desires! Tut tut this article is wrong on so many levels, and the fact it's posted by a public speaker is alarming!

Kimberly Bryant
Kimberly Bryant

This would be nice if ppl would just be honest about what they want from the beginning. Too many ppl speak just to hear their own voice. It's totally impossible to get to a peaceful place in your relationship if all ppl are doing is being w one person who fits the different facets of your life.

JaeVaughn
JaeVaughn

The fact that the men are agreeing with this post 100% should speak volumes. Some women just won't get it...

Mere Suguturaga
Mere Suguturaga

Some of us read with the intention to understand and others to simply reply!its biblical too...She brings him good not harm all the days of her life..Proverbs 31:12/ -Thanks for sharing \U0001f44a

Edna Scott
Edna Scott

I agree with all of these and there were a couple I had to learn along the way but I could write an answer to all six of these from a woman's perspective that would've prevented some of those missteps in my relationship. All I can say is thank God we know God otherwise it would've been a wrap!

Kinsey305
Kinsey305

Good read!!! I agree with all 6 of them. A lot of our women forgot what the title of this article was. It's not to attack women but to show you a few things men value. If you disagree or are upset with this than my personal opinion is that you are the opposite of this article. The main thing is to love yourself before someone else can love you. Don't take everything to heart,everything happens for a reason. We love all of you ladies just show us different from the rest of the ladies.

CocoaFly
CocoaFly

So many women are doing this already and are still having trouble finding a mate. As for women needing to know how to cook, are men being told that they need to be handy? I don't have an issue with cooking, but I hear so many men complain about women not knowing how to cook. Yet they keep a repair man's number on speed dial. I don't think this was bad advice, and I believe this is probably what men are looking for. I just want to know where are these available men? LOL

DebraPalmer
DebraPalmer

This was only to be appreciated by men of "substance" like the article stated. The ordinary man without substance won't comprehend or appreciate the value of these 6 qualities in a woman.

DebraPalmer
DebraPalmer

Oh no...i definitely didn't think you were throwing shade at the author. I feel you on the frustration...but I think it is because we (I am including myself) could be overlooking the key word "substance"- which could mean different things to different people. For example I sent the link to the last gentleman I was with who has on many occasions attest to the fact that I possess all 6 qualities and more but our " relationship" didn't work because he said he wasn't ready all the while engaging in relationship like behavior- we lived together for God sake- and putting me on an emotonal roller coaster. He replied to the email "I don't get it"...😕. Perhaps the "substance" piece is missing that would have helped him understand the irony of having all of those things in a woman in the palm of his hand and letting her go...

CocoaFly
CocoaFly

@DebraPalmer I get that. My issue is  a lot of us carry these values and are still having trouble finding a mate. It's nothing against the author of this post, just my own dating frustrations. 

Abby Temeng
Abby Temeng

Le sigh. Same old. Wish there was something new. I agree with Ajeenah and her comments. If there was a complimentary article on what women like from men, maybe this would be of value .

Jewelle Huggins
Jewelle Huggins

As a fan of Brunson's page for quite a bit now, I was ready to read the article with a grain of salt. I knew it wouldn't be a personal attack, just more interesting info for my toolbox as it were. Some bits I agreed, and then I saw that word. I braced myself because I knew it was coming when I saw "peace"...and then--ugh--"nag". And then I knew that wasn't even a piece that Paul wrote. As a writer, speaker, "expert" as it were, you have to know your audience. Everyone wants peace (except those who don't, and it's not limited to just women)! However, most everyone wants peace! When you as the writer takes any sort of concern a woman has and reduces it to just that..."nagging", well what would you expect from a woman who has read and understood your article? The article drops thinly veiled hints that women are taken as one-dimensional, and if not fit into said box will forever find themselves lonely. What? You didn't say that? Yeah...you kind of did. Know your audience! Attempting to write the "top six things" and passing it off as substantial knowledge, and then adding cooking and sex...Lord. I wasn't planning on poking holes in the article. I'd be on FB all day and night! But, it's your responses to the other ladies that I realized you don't get it. Will you ever? Who knows, but this article does not show proof of that. I'm overseas, and in a few minutes will sit in a panel where I'll have to explain a very deep-seated, deep-rooted issue to gatekeepers for executives. I've contemplated for days on how to approach this in ways they will understand this issue that is still negatively affecting their employees. However, I think that opening their eyes is not my job. It's theirs. Just as you, the author have the responsibility to open your eyes. Out here...gotta go.

Beverly Johnson
Beverly Johnson

Because God put them in charge after eve try to be so slick and sin and he listen and follow his own mind to do what God told him to do so that why they get to choose

Ajeenah A Capelton
Ajeenah A Capelton

To be honest I don't find you as a man or person to be the aggressor of my plight on an agent. As for your first question I myself decided what is both good & bad for me no outside assist required. My position was never about these particular things being too much to ask. Unfortunately I can't enlighten you if you see no error in your actions. I would suggest s I did with the young lady earlier read The Alphabet Verse the Goddess by Leonard Shlian here is a pdf of it.. http://www.library.wwu.edu/ereserves/brownn_eng510_image.pdf

Etienne Kotey
Etienne Kotey

Yes #3 is underrated yet extremely important . At the. End of the day you're just two ppl treating each other how u each treat people. #6 with the necessary disclaimer about waiting a bit. Yes!

Tamikca Smith
Tamikca Smith

Most women have all these bases covered and more... But that commitment thing is where most men Fail miserably!! Sadly... \U0001f614

Troy Spry
Troy Spry

Ladies I hear you and I hate that you took this piece as some sort of attack on women or something that's perpetuating the "plight" of women but that was never the intent. I hate that it's come down to when men give their opinion on how they feel it's so commonly turned into a woman oppression issue. I would have hoped that it was received as something as simple as a man saying the things that he values but I'm pretty sure no matter how I put it it's a topic we will have to agree to disagree on. I'm amazed at the amount of times ladies will ask for a males perspective (not that you asked) and when he gives it he's somehow told he is wrong for feeling the things he does or seeing the things the way he sees is. The same voice that women ask for in relationship I believe men desire as well, yet it's muted very quickly. I have a daughter & a wife who is a feminist as they come and as strong and accomplished as they come and everything I mention in this article she does and it's never some sort of battle in our household (not that this is about me but just as an example) I guess my bigger point is that understanding your mates needs and compromising and communicating don't have to be viewed as weak or mysogonistic or "patriarchy." My wife doesn't exist to just serve me but because she loves me she will and I will reciprocate with no problem and I don't see why that has to be viewed as a bad thing. Maybe I'm niave or stuck in the "Victorian" era but who decides that this is a bad thing? My final question is are the things I mention in the article too much to ask? If you asked these things of a man that you desired as a mate would it still be too much to ask? If a man serves his wife, values himself, communicates instead of practicing passive aggressiveness which often comes off as nagging, cooks, and gets along with others would it be viewed as a bad thing? Please enlighten me.

Falisha Kinsey
Falisha Kinsey

I read your article and I disagree with some of those while I speak my opinion and when I do men say I'm aggressive when I'm say my opinion in a pleasant non-aggressive tone and that gets under my skin. So the nagging part is what I think both women and men do. I think both men and women want peace I do. If trying to date a man we have an conversation he quick to tell me oh I'm alpha male yet there a difference in alpha male and controlling then I get his list I want my women to cook, be domestic yet he can't cook to save his life So I'm like it should both of us should cook yet I make a suggestion and I'm rude or that my problem why I don't have husband. ..conversation over date over I want peace as well... Also getting along with others I don't have a problem with that yet why do men assume we do.. Especially the falling out with friends thing....Men gossip more than women... yet we get the backlash of we are the problem when it comes to friends.. I'm in a new area been here couple months when I date or have a conversation and tell a man I don't have no friends here nor family He like you don't go out with your Co workers. I said no I keep business and pleasure separate Then he like you don't be social Yes but who am I supposed to be so social with while I'm new here?? So I work and come home.... I get slack from this? Why is that I'm new here so I guess I'm supposed to run up to people I don't know and ask them to be my friend I think not... So I did enjoy the read agreed with some as well as disagree I think both men and women need to work on all of these to make a relationship work...

Marnie Merrilees
Marnie Merrilees

I'm with Ajeenah on this. The very words used in the 1-6 made me sigh with disappointment that such an article was written in 2015. I feel this article is more in line with those written in the Victorian era when the expectation was mostly that women merely existed to serve men. A healthy relationship is reciprocal not one sided.

Donyale Skinner
Donyale Skinner

I read through it and I agree and I am like that. My guy, though, has dealt with the dramatic in his past. I know that when it's time he and I will marry. I don't know how to be any other way, my exes didn't know how to deal with me. I picked the wrong guys in the past too. I think I did good this time.

Ajeenah A Capelton
Ajeenah A Capelton

I read this & hear a prostitution scenario, as long as a man is fulfilling his obligations which aren't list or defined she should be grateful...really I shouldn't be adverse to this. You all love that word nag, how disrespectful. Energy is both positive & negative given & received. Neither party is required to do sit down & shut up.

Ajeenah A Capelton
Ajeenah A Capelton

You are very loquacious & communicate your position proficiently. I do not disagree with anything that you said. I don't know what you experience in reactions you receive from the public. As I am clearly not apart of that "yaasss", "preach" crowd. I am a woman who is simply tired. I am tired of society putting me against my partner then telling me I am doing things wrong. Of course men & women are different & have different wants & needs. But why is it so far fetched for me to expect that men & woman should be working together in this understanding while communicating. It isn't that I disagree I simply saw an opportunity to bring to light my plight. As women we are told to smile by random men on demand & we aren't pleasant in our response we have a problem. We are forced & expected to be pleasant & pleasing or we have a problem. I.E....The men I speak to that are in the happiest relationships are the ones that are full of peace . Not the “she doesn’t care what I do and she let’s me take advantage of her” peace, but that “she makes our house peaceful, we both give each other space, and she communicates instead of nagging me” type of peace. That “baby I’m going to watch the game with the fellas and she says “have fun” type of peace. I’m talking about that “hey baby how was your day?” when I walk in the door type of peace. In other words if as a man you are fulfilling your obligations, she appreciates it and finds more reasons to love and less reasons to nag.

Marnie Merrilees
Marnie Merrilees

How about you write one for men what women want. This annoyed me.

Troy Spry
Troy Spry

Ajeenah A Capelton thanks so much for reading and I felt the need to reply to your comment as a way to first off tell you thanks for opening up the dialogue, but also to offer you a different perspective as I saw you responded multiple times and I didn't want it to go unadressed. Now you may not want to hear it but I hope different. It is my opinion that men and women are different and although we share some general needs I believe that one of the things that does cause even more of a divide between men and women is the mere fact that we run away from that fact. Instead of seeking to understand our differences we fight the differences and then wonder why it leads to more frustration within relationship. If men and women have different wants and needs (in some areas) would it not serve us better to try and understand those so that the proverbial "compromise" can be made? How does one meet another half-way if they don't know what that half-way looks like? How does one love the other the way they need to be loved if they don't know what that looks like? How does one know what the other desires if that's not communicated? I believe the concept goes even deeper in that not only do men and women have different needs but even within that relationship the individual partner has different needs that would need to be communicated as well. I feel that too often when a men express what they truly desires it's met with a defensive mentality instead of an "understanding" mentality and all of the learning goes out of the window. I find it funny how when I write pieces to men about what women need in order to feel loved, or what women want (all information I get from women) I never hear or see a woman say "well you know you should tell both sides of this because it's not just about how men can love women better," instead I'm met with a barage of "preach", "yasss," or "tell it" (i appreciate all of those by the way). Your point while well respected and well put I hope that you can see my perspective as well. I believe the key to us becoming closer together is us communicating and understanding one another but that starts with openness, and with respecting insight rather than placing blame. I write with one common goal and thats so that we can all open up the dialogue so that we can all be better! P.S. Another reason though that you might not see both sides in every blog is because they would be entirely too long and even the best writer has trouble keeping a readers attention for too long! HA

Ajeenah A Capelton
Ajeenah A Capelton

Thank you, I want the best for us all. I have no ill will toward you or men in general. When I see things that continue to separate the sexes be it responsibilities, capabilities, or expectations etc.. I see those two separate parallel lines running into nothingness, that signify someone flatlining on a heart monitor machine. When I think of what it is for a man & woman together I envision that it is more like a strand of DNA. Two parallel lines that curve & bend together being connected at these important points that allow them to remain strong. We need not be separated in these conversations thereby allowing us a true dialogue. Thanks for your time & your work.

Brenda Marie
Brenda Marie

I think men like honestly. Being repected etc

Sabrina Govan
Sabrina Govan

All 6... And yet... I can't find him, and apparently he still hasn't found me. #WaitingInChicago

Jay Brown
Jay Brown

This was the absolute truth! 👊💯✔

Paul Carrick Brunson
Paul Carrick Brunson

Ajeenah A Capelton understood and I honestly appreciate you reading the post and commenting. The reason I took offense is because I'm an advocate for your exact position. I'm very methodical about educating men, especially younger men (about dating, life skills, etc). Wishing you the best!

Ajeenah A Capelton
Ajeenah A Capelton

I don't know you, nor did I imply that I did. I can appreciate your offense because I didn't take the time out to research all things done by you. Maybe I should be clearer. The focus should be on what is valued within the relationship not just in the woman. It isn't a singular responsibility to add value to a relationship. I would just appreciate reading this in a more reciprocal manner vs a do this not that manner.

Paul Carrick Brunson
Paul Carrick Brunson

Ajeenah A Capelton thanks for your comment but by the fact that you asked me to "start telling men..." that you don't know me. I wrote an entire book for BOTH men and women, I hosted 2 TV shows that actually gave more advice to men rather than women. 80% of the segments I do on GMA are focused on men. The last 6 events I hosted had MORE men than women come out to participate. I'm afraid you don't know me sis. This post is simply one drop in the ocean of my body of work.

Guest
Guest

This article is a Trojan horse for this reason. You've allowed it in thinking it will give you answers and out of it pops more thirst.  It If you just read this looking for answers on how to get/keep a man, you've lost. Stop looking for something that's supposed to come to you. The truth is, women who have men, don't need a list of actionables to guide them. You've lost your magic and you need stop looking for a man and go make yourself happy. Being fun, happy, healthy, confident & whole is what attracts/keeps a great man. Men are simple. Stop reading about what makes men happy and start reading about what makes you happy. The magic will return.

Ajeenah A Capelton
Ajeenah A Capelton

As a man can you start telling men how to be better towards us verses telling us what we're doing wrong or could do better.