10 Things You Must Stop Doing Today to Believe In Yourself

Reflecting on the commemoration of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s achievements, it’s important to consider the one thing that made it possible for him (and many others) to indelibly impact the world: belief in self, first. Dr. King’s “dream” is often noted and recited. Still, it’s important to remember that in order to express and ultimately realize your own dreams, you have to believe in yourself.

Everything we have in life comes because of our belief that they are possible.

Yet, believing, especially in yourself, is much easier said than done. I know this first hand, because for the majority of my adult life, I suffered from one of the most debilitating diseases known to man – a disbelief in myself.

Believe in yourself

It started for me in high school. My teachers (while giving inspiration to other students) lowered their expectations for me and attempted to narrow my vision. Although this didn’t break me, it didn’t make me stronger. I carried with me, for years, a poison of self-doubt. Even during early career “successes,” my exterior image projected fearlessness; yet, inside I fought low self-esteem. Even worse, I felt like a phony.

Over years of pain (which is a great teacher) I taught myself how to cultivate self-belief, and I want to share with you what I have found to work. Believing in ourselves and our plan is not easy. If you want to believe in your greater purpose, there are ten things you must stop doing:

1) Not Guarding Your Heart

Your heart is the most important tool you have. It is not your experience, knowledge, or skills. It is your heart that matters most of all. Don’t allow just everyone to have access to it. Guard your heart with all your might because everything you create comes from it. If we lose our heart, we have lost everything.

 

2) Allowing Garbage In Your Mind

In this day and age, more content (blogs, tweets, Facebook posts, etc) gets published than at any point in the history of the world. Whatever we want to consume is accessible. The issue is what often lands on our plate is filled with negativity – from gossip posts to pure brainless themes like Cat memes. While individually, this content doesn’t do real harm, over time it eats away at our mind like a disease. Consume a disproportionate amount of inspirational content and cut out the crap.

 

3) Not Knowing What You Live For

“What’s my purpose?” This was a question I asked myself a few years ago.  Answering it changed my life instantly. It’s hard to know where you’re going unless you know who you are – your truth. To create your life roadmap, first identify and prioritize your values. Doing so will give clarity of what you need in life as opposed to what you simply want.

 

4) Not Training Your Belief System

The first step to training your belief system is to use affirmations. Affirmations like, “Why am I so confident? Why do I believe in myself? Why do I trust my intuition?” are empowering questions that focus your mind on why you are, in fact, confident. Next, force yourself into creating a habit of belief. Some people are born with an innate self-confidence, but most of us are not that lucky. It’s a good thing we can teach ourselves new habits. Most experts agree it only takes 30 days to change our behavior. Just like a good exercise program, use the suggestions in this post to map out what you will do daily to boost your “belief muscle” over the next 30 days.

 

5) Thinking You’re The “Only One”

Do a quick read of ________’s biography (fill in the blank with the most inspirational person you know), and you’ll see how they also faced self-doubt at certain points in their life. If you are human, you have struggled with belief. I often find myself returning to Steve Job’s Stanford commencement address as a source of inspiration and guidance on how one of the most innovative men of our time dealt with self-doubt. This video is a different kind of soul food!

 

6) Allowing The Word “No” To Impact You

No one ever succeeds without being rejected (many times). Expect to hear the word “no” time after time, and you’ll be ready to overcome, time after time. As best-selling author Karen Quinones so eloquently said: “When someone tells me ‘no,’ it doesn’t mean I can’t do it, it simply means I can’t do it with them.”

 

7) Not Accepting Compliments

This is critical towards building your self-esteem, which is an important part of believing you can step into your purpose. Next time someone gives you a compliment, resist the urge to dismiss it, or question its authenticity. Instead, imagine it is true and you might just find that it is.

 

8) Going At It Alone

I write frequently about the importance of surrounding yourself with as many good people as possible. But let’s face it, sometimes the well for good friends is dry. That said, I don’t believe we were put on earth to be alone with our ideas. You must find your one supporter! When I decided to become a matchmaker, everyone told me I was crazy but I was able to find support from my wife. All you need is one person to have your back and it makes your belief infinitely easier.

 

9) Not “Faking It Until You Make It”

This begins with simply speaking confidently and assertively (even if you’re not). I’ve seen first hand that by simply speaking in a strong manner, people will believe what you have to say. Therefore, it gives you greater control over your ability to influence, and it helps to drive your actual confidence.

 

10) Not Surrendering

From working with and observing some very successful people in life, I noticed a common theme that I have adopted for myself: a) Work your ass off. b) Identify what you can control. c) Identify what you can’t control. d) Surrender to a higher power. It’s important to realize that no one has ever fallen while stepping out on faith.  And understand that, in the eternal words of Dr. King, “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” I think about this single point daily.

Self-doubt is crippling and will cause you to live beneath your privileges. To believe in yourself is no easy feat. Yet, it’s essential to living a fulfilled life. If you’re doing any of these ten things to yourself today, stop so that you can start believing in yourself tomorrow.

What are some other things you have stopped doing to increase self-belief?

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About Paul C. Brunson
Mentor, Entrepreneur, & Television Host. My goal is to help you live your best life; in love and professionally. I’m the world’s most influential matchmaker, founded and exited three businesses, host two television shows, spent nearly a decade working directly for a billionaire, and share my experiences by mentoring and coaching thousands of people.
179 comments
Islandgal
Islandgal

Amazing. Thank you so much. Please continue to write and encourage with this life-changing wisdom :)

Fatuush
Fatuush

What if ur a student u don't know what u want or who u really are, u can't get your act together, How can u change your?????

Theresa Heron
Theresa Heron

Always inspiring. And of course I always come here for a refresher!


bwood17
bwood17

Seriously these are habits that will hurt people not help them.

Also fuck your cat meme hatin' ass

klord74
klord74

@bwood17 you seem enlightened. Please share what you think are more effective habits since you seem to know of something better.

bwood17
bwood17

Thanks For The Cancer

JV
JV

Great stuff Paul--now age 66 I still don't know why I'm on this planet even though

I have a doctorate, written three books and many articles. I don't know.

GuiterLens
GuiterLens

thanks paul...that just changed my way of thinking ,,,thanku,,Godbless


Melanie Bonnet
Melanie Bonnet

I needed to reminded of this today. Thanks, Paul.

Brad English
Brad English

I have stopped believing in "self" empowerment, surrendered to Almighty God my Creator and allowed Holy Spirit to work in transforming me from within. It has pretty much eliminated my self absorption and thinking I can do it all myself if I just work harder and focus more on me. When I focus more on God miracles happen!

Theresa Heron
Theresa Heron

Amen. He shall supply the strength indeed. But I understand Paul's point -in order to make that first step of faith..you must believe that you can (of course this belief that you can comes from God) but to Paul's point these are steps to help ourselves..God helps. But God also helps those that helps themselves. Remember the story of the 3 servants with talents?

Kristen Seher
Kristen Seher

...once again,truth Paul Carrick Brunson...thank you :)

manvendras92
manvendras92

Sometimes you tried hard to find what you actually want but this post fulfill this.

thanks paul

aiflai
aiflai

Great post Paul! sounds very authentic because you've gone through that yourself

LW_fitmama
LW_fitmama

To increase self-belief, I love thinking about the fact that anyone Could do what I've done, but not everyone is willing to gp through what I've endured to get it. Seeing the "unattainable" obtained keeps me going.

Joanna Schirle
Joanna Schirle

I like it - I just don't get the guard your heart part... Hard to control that darn heart...

Preets Ki Noni
Preets Ki Noni

do you really believe that whatever we think deeply or our fears, they all come true???? all say that we should be positive of all situations n prblms would be solved the way u think and believe. Is it true????

LaNita D. Gordy-Pulliam
LaNita D. Gordy-Pulliam

Great post. Just what I needed for today and confirmation for what's on my horizon. Thank you.

Michael D Wilkins
Michael D Wilkins

I think this is possible part of what is ment by we all come short,,for we can't go to far without faith and without belief,,faith has no chance.....!!!!!

Varuna Auzenne
Varuna Auzenne

I'm on my way Paul, I'm on my way:-) thanks for the post

Barbra Eden
Barbra Eden

YESSSS \U0001f64c Eden Stasis - I'm going to read this!!!

La LovestheLord
La LovestheLord

Wow. It sometimes amazes me just how AWESOME our GOD is. SO needed this Paul. Thank you FATHER and thank you Paul.

Kandie Magdalene
Kandie Magdalene

Def needed that.... I am tired of fighting with myself. I am tired of fighting the naysayers. I am bout to jump on that bandwagon called success and ride it all the way to my future. I can and I will

Lakia Pearson
Lakia Pearson

This one piece of advice has been golden to my Husband and I!

Unoma Ashibuogwu
Unoma Ashibuogwu

It depends on who they decide to talk to.Some people tell anyone that cares to listen while some others talk to one trusted person which I think is better.

Colewad Black
Colewad Black

Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth (2 Timothy 2:15).

Melissa D. Coleman
Melissa D. Coleman

There are times when an outside opinion is needed. I feel we should make sure the person we are asking for advice, has our best interest at heart! Not everybody is praying for you....

Sam Bardy
Sam Bardy

My ex only understood this after the breakup.

Dixiano Dix
Dixiano Dix

I always tell this to my friends and constant facebook post.

Linnea VivaLinnea
Linnea VivaLinnea

Amendment: share with your couples counselor or clergy. But stop sharing on social media!!! It's annoying to all your friends!