The following post is written by Jay Hurt. Jay is a Relationship Coach, columnist and author of the book, The 9 Tenets of a Successful Relationship, for Singles. You can find him on Twitter, Facebook and his website.
A friend of mine was nice enough to share with me a comment she ran across as she was posting to her blog. The comment read “I am a 65 year-old black man who wishes I was married, but I have never been married and it appears to me that I will never be married because I cannot write an acceptable resume for the occupation of husband.” That’s candid, insightful and somewhat sad. What do women expect from us when they are “taking applications?”
Understand What a Resume Really is—a Pitch
At some point we have heard a woman say something to the extent of “well, I’m taking applications, but so far no qualified applicants have applied.” That can mean slightly different things to different women, but one thing is for sure—she’s not happy with the quality of men that are crossing her path. There may not be a way to know for sure everything a woman is looking for in a man, but it is possible to work toward being the best qualified candidate for a husband that we can be. It’s essential to understand our “resume” has to fill the “qualifications” of the position. When we apply for jobs, the resume doesn’t get you the position. The resume gets you in the interview (conversation) for the position. Your resume is like a five-minute pitch. Let’s see if we can write a good resume and get the conversation started for this man.
Opening the Conversation
A resume has an objective. What am I trying to accomplish? This first part of the resume might read “Objective: Head of Household, Father to our Children, Spiritual Leader, Protector, Passionate Lover, Part time Chef, Part-time Handyman, Full-time Husband.”
Why Should I Talk to You?
Throughout my career, I have written my own resumes. However, I decided to purchase one a few years ago. One of the things the resume writers changed was they moved my accomplishments and qualifications to the top of the resume. It has helped my resume and I think it’s essential to our hypothetical resume. I will let her know I am the right candidate—without being too overbearing. For example:
“Accomplishments and Qualifications” include
- I have all of my teeth!
- Experience with women in the past that weren’t right for me. I have learned, prepared and matured—now I’m ready for my dream job—with you.
- When you need someone to have your back, a shoulder to cry on or to share a victory with, I’ll be there.
- Ambitious, purpose-driven, spirit-filled and borderline insatiable!”
What Do You Have to Offer?
This is what I have done to deserve the opportunity for you to consider me for this position, and for that matter, continue this conversation. The conversation is flowing by now, so I’ll tell her about my experience and how it relates to her expectations. Here’s an example:
- Eat healthy, workout twice a week
- I have a career, but I have a work-life balance as well. My family will always come first.
- I’m financially sound (which means I pay my bills and I have a savings).
- I am emotionally and mentally healthy.
- I have continually grown and matured over time. I’m no longer standing in line at midnight for the new PlayStation 4 (but if you want to buy it for my b-day, I’ll appreciate it!).
- Our marriage will experience “accelerated growth” because I will support you through good and bad and we’ll always move forward as a family.
- I have experience with mergers and acquisitions, so if you already have a child, I will be there for both of you.”
How Have You Prepared to be with Me?
What training have you done to be prepared for your dream job? This section might look like this:
- My mother. She used to tell me I should treat a woman I’m dating as well as I treat her.
- Life. Learning to overcome obstacles and deal with adversity. I have developed the mantra if I put in the time and work the opportunities that are for me will be there when God has prepared them—and when he has prepared me.
- Paulcbrunson.com—Excellent relationship resource. I have learned a lot about relationships from the wealth of knowledge on this site. I will apply this in our relationship.
Where/When did You Prepare to be with Me?
- School of Hard Knocks
- Taking something tangible away from each past relationship—good or bad. Applied knowledge to make me a better person and a better husband.
This gentleman can find love if he presents himself well and prepares himself properly. It’s time for him to tighten up his resume! He has to make a decision to go for it, take some chances and fail a couple of times on his way to success! How would you write the resume differently?