The One Trait a Relationship Must Have to Start is Attraction

The One Trait a Relationship Must Have to Start is Attraction

The following guest post is from my friend Jay Hurt. Be sure to follow him on twitter and visit his website.

at·trac·tion /əˈtrakSHən/ noun
1. A person or thing that draws, allures or entices.
2. A characteristic or quality that provides pleasure.

These are definitions of attraction.

Some people call attraction, “swagger.” You may hear someone say, “He has a magnetic personality.” That’s another way of describing attraction.

Lots of things play a part in today’s relationships. Chemistry is important. Purpose, destiny, vision, growth, even compatibility are highly relevant to a relationship in today’s society. They are necessary components of having a successful relationship.

My favorite three components of a relationship are Love, Honor and Respect. They are the foundation and backbone of any healthy relationship. The reality is that relationships can exist without one or more of any of the preceding traits. An unhealthy relationship can exist with a lack of respect, for example. Even without respect, there remains some level of attraction. The one trait that a relationship must have to start is an attraction. There has to be something to make him or her want to get to know you better. For that matter, there should be something to make them want to talk to you in the first place.

Whatever that thing is…it’s attraction.

Attraction is not always physical. The really great thing about attraction is whether it’s physical or not, it’s often irresistible. Physical beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Attraction is more than that.

Attraction can be in the way someone takes charge. Attraction can be in the way someone laughs at your jokes. Attraction can exist in the way someone sits attentively and listens. We’re all probably a little more self-centered than we should be…who wouldn’t want someone who listens?

Attraction Does Not Equal Type-casting

Singles frequently discuss having a “type.” Guys might say something like, “I want a woman about 5’5”, shaped like a Coca-Cola bottle, cute dimples and a nice smile. Oh…and she has to have good feet!” (Whatever that means…lol!) That’s not attraction. That’s a fantasy floating around in his mind of what woman he would choose if he could build her and give her every perfect attribute he could come up with. Including good feet.

A man can be attracted to some of those traits, but having a type is more a discussion of demographics and physical features. Race and more importantly, culture sometimes plays a part in what we consider a “type” we tend to gravitate towards as a mate. Whether that’s important in your situation or not, we should realize type and attraction are different things. You can date, fall in love and marry someone who is not necessarily your “type,” but you won’t do any of those things if you are not attracted to them. In our country and society today, attraction is typically a non-negotiable requirement of any relationship.

The Great Equalizer

I consider attraction the great equalizer because it eliminates any physical detriment one may have. Keep in mind, some women or men just aren’t going to date someone without a perfect body or what is in their mind the perfect face or perfect “look.” That’s fine, it’s their prerogative. You will sometimes see people who make this choice often have a tough time in dating because they are simply going on superficial qualities and not on what really attracts us to other people.

Here are some facts to consider: Women love to laugh. Men like to feel taken care of. Men like to have a woman who is more than a lover; we want a friend, as well. Women like to feel appreciated. It’s not that any of these things can’t be appreciated by the other gender (they can and they are). It’s simply a fact these are some of the traits of attraction in relationships. They are more important than physical traits in most cases and with most people. There are many traits of attraction, but I wanted to mention a few examples to understand what attraction looks like.

No matter what environment you’re in, as long as you’re at least clean and well groomed (important to get to the attraction stage); you can be yourself and have someone find an attractive trait about you. You won’t be attractive to everyone, but you will be attractive to someone!

Dressing well and grooming is imperative, but it’s really more of a ticket to entry than the attraction itself.

It doesn’t matter how sexy your dress is or how handsome you look on a particular evening, if you can’t engage someone in a way that is attractive, you aren’t getting anywhere.

The Essence of Attraction

Being attractive is not about putting on airs. It’s all about being the best you that you can be. Being confident (yet humble), spirited (yet thoughtful) and captivating (but not overbearing).

Think of your life as a PowerPoint presentation. What would you talk about? How would you sound as you discuss different parts of your life? What would your body language present? All of that is how you come off when you meet someone for the first time and they subconsciously decide if they are attracted to you or not. You are presenting yourself to the world (without the slides) and they are deciding if they are interested in your presentation.

Notice, I said presentation…not necessarily what you said, but how you presented yourself. If you are being yourself while following the points at the start of the last paragraph, you will be an attractive person. You won’t be attractive to everyone, but to more than you might think.

You can watch the seed of that initial attraction grow into what every single person wants…a conversation with another single (and available) person!

 

FOR DISCUSSION: Do you agree with Jay’s thought that “the one trait a relationship must have to start is attraction?”

 

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About Paul C. Brunson
Mentor, Entrepreneur, & Television Host. My goal is to help you live your best life. I’m the world’s most influential matchmaker, founded and exited three businesses, host two television shows, spent nearly a decade working directly for a billionaire, and share my experiences by mentoring through Knowledge Share

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230 Comments on "The One Trait a Relationship Must Have to Start is Attraction"

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Dorshena Who-Dat Pittman
Guest
Dorshena Who-Dat Pittman

Agreed. Attraction is the initial and sustaining factor in a successful relationship. The outer package may be the initial attention getter but the character, the soul of the person will maintain the interest.

Yeedabee
Guest
I agree. ATTRACTION, is far more than physical and it’s definitely not negotiable. That is why when the “attraction” trait is not fulfilled or does not exist, a great sex relationship means absolutely nothing. Your partner can be the best ever in the bedroom, but if he/she does not have the traits that made you once ATTRACTED to them, then you will disconnect (cut off sex or have no desire to do it as THEY wish). LOVE, Honor, and Respect are qualities you definitely want, but if nothing attracts you to them, then finding those qualities will be quite hard.… Read more »
Jay Hurt
Guest

Thanks for sharing!

Troy Spry
Guest

Great read and I couldn’t agree more! We love to use our “type”as a reason to clinging to the same type of person not knowing that attraction is so much deeper than “type.” thanks for putting it out there. Good stuff!

Jay Hurt
Guest

Thanks, Troy!

Sunny
Guest

Paul, do you think that one can fall in love with someone if attraction (physical, specifically) isn’t present?

Paul Carrick Brunson
Guest

Yes, it happens (but very unlikely).

Robyn
Guest

I totally agree! I was wondering though, do you think sometimes attraction can also be a not so good thing, like if you are attracted to a person because they may be similar or remind you of something familiar about an ex lover? I take note of attraction now and honestly I go with that more than just looks or the person’s “resume”. But, then I have to wonder WHY I am attracted and explore that as well. Great post!

Jay Hurt
Guest
Robyn, there might be something physical (a trait, look or tendency) that reminds you of someone in your past. That said, the attraction is only the starter. Attraction will not keep you…it’s simply a means to opening the door. I agree with you that you want to be cognizant of why you are attracted to someone. For example, if someone is wealthy and living a lavish lifestyle, that trait may be attractive to you, but is the person really attractive to you or just their lifestyle. Important things we have to consider as we move to the next steps in… Read more »
Urbi Dillon
Guest

Sorry I have to disagree on this one… physical attraction is just a part of the equation.

Malinda Reed
Guest

I’ve always believed that!

Shalesha Andrews
Guest

What if guys are not physically attracted to you…..it appears as if its so much emphasis on it. Its important but there are so many more factors.

Yvette Marie
Guest

Anything or anyone you spend time with you grow an affection for.

Paul Carrick Brunson
Guest

Urbi Dillon I never said there aren’t other factors, I’m simply saying it’s a factor.

Ramona Farmer
Guest

Truth!!!

Vanessa A. Young
Guest

So agree!!!

Patricia Crossno
Guest

PAUL I AM NOT A BARBIE DOLL BUT I WILL SAY THIS WHEN THAT MAN I CARE FOR NEEDS SOMETHING I WILL MOVE HEAVEN AND EARTH TO DO FOR HIM AND WHAT WILL YOUR BARBIE DOLL DO WITH HER BROKEN NAIL. Not a thing but fix her nail.

Bill Rinehart
Guest

oh heck yes…

Felicia Stepupyourlife Meadows
Guest
Felicia Stepupyourlife Meadows

Wow

Carolyn Chaney-Martin
Guest
Carolyn Chaney-Martin

Amen 2 that!!!

Susan Czerwinski Hesser
Guest
Susan Czerwinski Hesser

So true

Brandye Wine
Guest

TRUTH!

Aleatha Harris
Guest

Sometimes it true. Hold on to what you have it’s to much out there to be playing musical men.

Paul Carrick Brunson
Guest

Affection = yes, physical attraction = no

Vertice Williams
Guest

I think we can all agree that physical attraction (yours or his) begets a spark of interest and the other factors come into play afterwards. But there has to be something that starts it. Physical attraction means different things to different people. I agree!

Tanya Warden Kemp
Guest
I disagree. I know people who have not been attracted (at first) and married and have lived a very good life married; women friends being treated like gold a far cry from the men they were once with and attracted to. I on the other hand married with intense attraction and ended up divorced. To this day we can’t be alone together without jumping each others bones and we’re divorced. We just decided we will always have this intense attraction but we can’t be married. I do agree though for me that attraction is important. I’m just concerned if I… Read more »
Paul Carrick Brunson
Guest

If someone is not physically attracted to you (especially at the start of your “relationship”) I suggest moving on.

Yvette Guyton
Guest

your so correct. im talking to this guy and im not physically attracted to him. he is so sweet to me and my son however, i cant see us together. when i imagine being with him intimately, i get sick. I dont want to lose his friendship but I dont want more then that either..

Suzette Singh
Guest

I was not physically attracted to my ex at first but we had 20 years together….we established a friend first then the attraction came later.

Tammy Seals
Guest

I agree

Natasha Ptomey
Guest

In order for the other factors to come into play, physical attraction has to be there. Accept this and you won’t waste your time or the other person’s time.

Rachael C. Gooding
Guest

I totally agree with you Paul Carrick BrunsonBrunson. There needs to be a physical attractions.

Komeka Pippen
Guest

I agree 100%…it’s needed!!!.. cause when that fine, sexy ole milk chocolate Joe from accounting flirt with me at the water cooler, I NEED to be able to visualize my own fine, sexy milk chocolate HUSBAND I have flirting with me every morning I wake..I would never advise a person to adopt that “looks don’t matter” way of thinking…

Yvette Guyton
Guest

I totally agree or its just a waste of time.

Iridescent Essexories
Guest
Iridescent Essexories

Surely the truth…for me.

Paul Carrick Brunson
Guest

Tanya Warden Kemp Don’t feel guilty for being human. If physical attraction is important to you, own it!

Shalesha Andrews
Guest

I was not physically attracted to a man I was talking to but he had such a great personally that he became attractive to me 🙂 I dont think a man can do this…..they are so different from women..they are visual and if you arent attractive to them they definitely dont want to be bothered with you.

Patricia DeLaine
Guest

Before everyone starts fighting, please read the article. Even though the pic above says physical attraction, the article clearly states that attraction is not only physical. It’s an often times, unexplainable chemistry, and in my opinion, it’s what makes that initial meeting and dating so exciting.

Jennifer Engelmann
Guest

He’s talking about chemistry. He isn’t talking about physical appearance. If there isn’t chemistry, why would you bother to get to know them to see what else is there. There’s been very good looking men I’m attracted to but there was zero chemistry with those particular men. On the other hand, I’ve had off the charts great chemistry with men that are considered less than ideal in height and looks.

Crystal Guy CG
Guest

The article explains it well. ..agree 100%

Sherita Rogers
Guest
Doesn’t that negatively perpetuate the idea that someone will remain as they are physically throughout their lives? The idea that the physical will never change and is the bonding factor for a successful relationship, seems shallow and unforgiving. The fact that you can suffer a accident, a medical issue or just change over time, ect., should be something we as individuals understand about our mates and learn to accept and love. Love should be unconditional and without boundary of things that are beyond our every day control. Attraction should be what we aim for as a package of physical, mental,… Read more »
Paul Carrick Brunson
Guest

Perfectly written Natasha Ptomey!

Laura Fortson Williams
Guest
Laura Fortson Williams

There are many types of attraction

Lita Shantelle
Guest

Yes, Patricia!!!

Ebony Bell
Guest
Well, I’m no size 12 or even 16… but the man I love who (has 0% body fat and is pure muscle) i have been with for 9years as of jan 21st is more than happy with my curves BUT our first interaction did not produce a physical attraction AND we had only spoken on the phone for 4months straight before physically seeing each other again. Even though I was “thick” when we first met, I gained a few more curves over the last couple if years but I can guarantee that every time he sees me, he loves me… Read more »
NormaJean Arredondo
Guest

So true. .

Sharonda Crenshaw
Guest

I totally agree with you Paul You must be physically attracted to the person.

Ruth Florella Charlton
Guest
Ruth Florella Charlton

I don’t know ONE MAN who is married to, dating or in love with that is not attracted het. Men don’t do this, why do women?

Carla White
Guest

I agree 100% …if theres no physical attraction from the strt thn ur relationshp wil most probaly end in tears…i beleive its more about the inside thn the out but i do beleive there has to b some kind of physucal attraction to make a relationshp last!

Ruth Florella Charlton
Guest
Ruth Florella Charlton

He’s right!!

Tricia Owens
Guest

I like this discussion, I thought I was the ONLY one that thought like this, or thinking maybe I’m shallow. But I say why should I be fake about it, I have to have that physical attraction . I’m not gonna be miserable waking up to somethin I don’t like to see . Thank You people

Lovely Laurie
Guest

I agree 100% with this. Attraction is not something that “grows.” It must be there from the beginning otherwise you are doomed!!

Myron L. Fields
Guest

I concur!

Cassandra Stacks
Guest

For me…this is absolutely true. ..without the initial attraction…I’m not going to give you the time of day. ..tried it on several occasions. ..never could keep my interest, because I simply wasn’t into you…probably why I’m still single…lol…

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