Your Friends Are Not Relationship Experts

Your Friends Are Not Relationship Experts

Your friends are your friends. Funny, thoughtful, dependable and supportive. But they aren’t therapists. They aren’t dating experts. And as the old saying goes, opinions are like “assholes” – everyone has one.

Consider the source.

Your loved ones often give bad advice. Well meaning, but awful dating advice. Because they aren’t objective. Will your friends actually tell you that you don’t know how to dress and have a hygiene issue … or will they say that a woman should just “accept you for you?” Will your friends tell you that you were overreacting when 12 hours had passed since the initial meet up and he still hadn’t texted you back … or will they encourage whatever half-baked theory has developed in your panicking mind? Our friends want to believe in us and support us and protect us, which means sometimes their advice is more about boosting our own self-esteem or validating us as a friend – instead of giving us valuable criticism you can apply to change your dating fortune.

Declare your own emotional independence – and get your friends (and family) out of your dating life. Your search for finding who is best for you is a solo journey that eventually becomes twosome when you find your potential significant other. There’s no room for a bus-load of people you aren’t dating, piling on their baggage and past conflicts.

 

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About Paul C. Brunson
Mentor, Entrepreneur, & Television Host. My goal is to help you live your best life; in love and professionally. I’m the world’s most influential matchmaker, founded and exited three businesses, host two television shows, spent nearly a decade working directly for a billionaire, and share my experiences by mentoring through Knowledge Share
29 comments
Men and Intimacy, Real Talk. Real Answers
Men and Intimacy, Real Talk. Real Answers

“I don’t understand why women feel like it’s ok to go and talk to their friends about personal things going on in their lives. This really bothers me because their friends don’t even have their own shit together when it comes their own relationships. If you want to go and talk to someone about our relationship, then talk to someone who is in a good relationship, not a perfect relationship. I don’t believe in a perfect relationship. If you are in a perfect relationship then your relationship can’t grow. If she wants to talk to these people then she needs to be careful of the advice she takes from them”. – GA DADDY (menandintimacy.com)

Richie Winston
Richie Winston

This is especially hard when your being violated?

Ramona Griggs
Ramona Griggs

My children mean well but have become my parents. When it's all said and done, I have to do what will make me happy.

Shelia Franklin
Shelia Franklin

I feel this is so true, that's why it's called personal life your business is private..but if the other half goes out and talk your business, it is stepping out boundaries of your relationship. It also shows immaturity and disrespectful to your partner.

Ana V. Marcelo
Ana V. Marcelo

I totally agree, I felt the blog was saying it's btwn you & your partner & that's it & I disagree w/ that. I agree w/ what you're saying to make sure you're getting advice from valid people & people of honor in your life. You shouldn't allow everyone to speak into any aspect of your life.

Shantae Charles
Shantae Charles

Godly friends and family can help. I don't believe everyone can help. I also believe more than people, you have to have set boundaries and be clear. Too many pull an interested party into their unclear and murky desires. If you are unclear, you are not ready for a search.

Dionnea Seals
Dionnea Seals

If you are not truly self aware, they can be a great asset!

Rita Goodroe
Rita Goodroe

I agree Ana V. Marcelo community is FABULOUS. But here is an example I put out to people when I go to speak.... what result do you want when it comes to dating? To have FUN with it? To have a healthy outlook on it? To have a healthy relationship? Then look at the people in your community...the people you talk with about your dating, relationships, etc. and what are THEIR results? Do THEY have fun with dating? Do THEY have a healthy, positive outlook about it? Do they have healthy relationships? You truly do need to surround yourself with people who have the result that you wish to have. Often my clients come to me saying they are frustrated with dating and want a more positive outlook on dating, find someone, etc. Then I'll ask how they spent their Friday night and they'll say with their girlfriends, drinking wine, complaining about how awful dating is and how there are no good men out there. Then they wonder why they aren't achieving the result they want! So while community is important, treat this like you would other goals/results you want to achieve - ask yourself what the result is you wish to have and then ask if your community is already living those results? If they aren't, it's not that you need to drop your community but perhaps seek out the people (experts, groups, others) who are already living the results you want to achieve and turn to them for the community. Combine that with having your clarity about what you are wanting and you'll find that you won't be in situations where you are "too in love" to see things that you need to be seeing. :)

Lesley Dokes
Lesley Dokes

This might be the first post that I don't agree with. When you're in a relationship you're also in relationship with the family if there are intentions to move past dating to marriage/partnership. There should be boundaries in what you share and how/what advice is given/received. However, your family and friends who care (you know which ones you can trust with advice and whether they're coming from a bitter place) should be sounding boards for decisions on how to or how not to progress in a relationship. Don't discount family and friends. Just have healthy boundaries.

Antoinette Denise Mont
Antoinette Denise Mont

No disrepect but as l get older l know who is for me and who is not..being secure in who l am, l dont need a community to determine if l am in love cuz that same community means me no good

Cheryl Clements
Cheryl Clements

This post is so true. I am a private person and relatives may not have your best interest at heart. I find that many are to critical of your choice anyway.

Ana V. Marcelo
Ana V. Marcelo

What?! I think community helps you see what you're too "in love" to see. Community is healthy. You have the final word, b/c it is your life but advice from loved ones can be helpful.

Rita Goodroe
Rita Goodroe

Unless of course, your friend is, literally, a relationship expert ;) Seriously though, great article!

MieshaNichelle Avery
MieshaNichelle Avery

This posts was RIGHT on time as I grew frustrated in a personal conversation.

Shawna K: BlissedOutBelle.com
Shawna K: BlissedOutBelle.com

Mr.Brunson your on point with this! I've always followed this rule of not allowing friends or family to setup ideas in my head. Often times, it's single girlfriends who give the worst advice on relationships; subconsciously they don't want to be alone in the dating game. I have learned to use my own God-given judgement to determine what's best for me when it comes to relationships, and the only advice I will be taking is from people who already have what I want.

Starkey
Starkey

I am slowly learning that the journey for finding someone is solo. Prior to, I used to involve my friends on nearly every movement of the relationship. Of course, my friends would form their opinions on who I was dating and kept throwing it in my ear. It eventually affected the relationship as well because I started believing what they were saying.

Breukellen Riesgo
Breukellen Riesgo

Friends of the opposite sex may be more helpful. When I was single and dating, my guy friends would tell it like it was, and I've helped male friends increase their dating stock by being honest with them about their clothing, hair, and online profile. In a relationship, however, I am not telling my friends about every little issue.

Starkey
Starkey

I will agree to an extent. I gain great advice from opposite sex when it comes to relationships. However, it's hard to tell if they are being sincere or just trying to throw shade.

CC
CC

I agree and disagree with some points! There are some friends that will keep it real and they can be trusted to be honest. @ Regina Single people can have wisdom on relationships...just because one is single doesn't mean they don't have info that can help others. Blessed with a team that says what needs to be said no matter what!

Regina
Regina

This is true to the to some degree. I believe and have learned whole heartedly to keep people out of your relationship. Especially if they are SINGLE...and have NEVER really been in a real relationship.(HighSchool Prom Dates and One-Night Flings don't count.) However, prayerfully you have a couple who have been married for over 10, 20, 30, 40+ years who can give sound advice when needed. Even then at the end of the day, what is your "gut" telling you?