I told the moderator of a panel I was on: “falling in love with potential is a mistake.” The moderator looked at me like I was crazy. He gave me the side-eye and said: “I don’t agree at all, Michelle Obama married for potential and look at her now.”
My jaw dropped to the floor, what a ridiculously misinformed comment.
The truth of the matter is when 25 year-old Michelle Robinson met 27 year-old Barack Obama he had the following in his favor:
- Harvard Law graduate (a distinction they shared)
- Former Editor and first African American President of the Harvard Law review (a much sought-after position)
- Considered by many at Harvard Law and his new law firm to be a prodigy
- Summer associate at a prestigious corporate law firm (where Michelle worked)
- Shared values (discovered by Michelle’s time mentoring Barack at the firm)
- Athletic and avid basketball player
- Single and available…HELLO!
In other words, he had it going on. BIG TIME!!!
I won’t argue he didn’t also have a bright future ahead but no one can say he wasn’t compelling upon their first introduction.
This is my point, if the person who stands before you today isn’t compelling, don’t gamble your life on their potential to become compelling.
Don’t waste your time!
So often I see good-willed people focus much of their energy on attempting to “rescue” or “upgrade” their partner. They give unreciprocated time, love, money, energy, and advice. I’m sure you know someone doing this right now. If so, do them a favor and have a good Come-To-Jesus talk with them. The truth is they’re not in a relationship, they’re working on a science project. They haven’t fallen in love with the actual man/woman before them, they have actually fallen in love with the “ideal” of the man/woman of their dreams. This is dangerous because often times “ideal” is never realized.
Having a healthy relationship with your partner means loving them for who stands before you today, not the hope of who they will be tomorrow.